It gets BETTER, way better, trust me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2006
It gets BETTER, way better, trust me!
5
Thu, 12-24-2009 - 7:57pm

Hi all,
I posted here daily a couple years ago when I was embroiled in a 3-year R with a MM. My father also passed away the same year that I was D. I was traumatized and filled with despair daily. Thank god for this board back then.

I was determined to end the A because the pain outweighed the pleasure. I wanted someone to BE there and share my life FULLY with me.

I am thrilled and happy to report that 3 years later I am remarried to the most sexy, kind, loving and beautiful man. I always heard that no sex compares to A sex. I am here to report that that is NOT TRUE!!! It is amazing and life is so much more rewarding when it is grounded in REALITY and not FANTASY!!

We are even talking about starting a family!

You can do it. DON'T GIVE UP! Fight for your life and do everything you can to END the A. Take it from me--I am M to the sexiest dude I know and I never thought I could love another after my A ended. But this love is truer and deeper and more fulfilling than anything I have ever felt. LIFE WILL GET BETTER IF YOU REALLY WANT IT TO!!! Good luck and look forward to an AMAZING future! xo


-Dianne, 41 yo
DH 37


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2009
Thu, 12-24-2009 - 9:21pm

You couldn't post this at the most perfect time. I am so glad to hear that it does get better. I am a young single woman and have been involved with A for over 2 years now. Been attempting NC for 2 months with a few breaks of NC. I keep putting myself back 10 steps. I get so depressed thinking that I will never feel for anyone the way I feel for this man. And the sex AMAZING yes. You are a breath of fresh air. Really <3

I am in my 30's and I have no marriage no family of my own. I really started to believe that that life is not meant for me. Many of my friends are getting married and it is so bitter sweet. Happy for them sad for myself that I dont have that for my own. So my grieving not only involves this man but I am grieving for myself

Thank you for your post

Merry Christmas :)

Time heals all wounds, unless you pick at them. --Shawn Alexander
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2004
Thu, 12-24-2009 - 10:22pm

Loves,


Thanks for your post. I'm having a really hard time imagining that there is someone I could love again or love more than xap. I am currently seperated from my H and have broken things off with xap. So lately I've been feeling lonely, confused and wondering how will I meet someone and be able to love again.


I was crying as i read this b/c it gives me hope that it's possible for me to find

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2009
Thu, 12-24-2009 - 11:22pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2008
Fri, 12-25-2009 - 8:30pm

I Agree!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2006
Sun, 12-27-2009 - 2:26am

It is so, so hard, so agonizing, so despair-filled to end an A. I know. I don't wish that kind of agony on anyone. I tried for years to end it. But I just could never stay away. But one day, I realized I'd become an apparition of myself. I heard myself filled with such rage, saying such hideous things and doing such hideous things all in the name of love....no more. I couldn't take the person I'd become. I'd become so ugly and enraged every moment of the day. It just hurt too much to walk around with that much rage all the time. I wanted to feel love and peace.

Ending an A is one of the hardest things to do. But not just because of the loss of the AP...it is the acknowledgment that obsession serves a direct purpose: to replace deeper, more hurtful thoughts regarding deeper and more realistic issues that must be confronted. Do everything you have to and can do in your power to help yourself. Go to therapy. Don't just GO there, but be willing to delve into the real issues that got you into this mess in the first place. COMMIT to yourself. To the life you want. Believe that things can and will not just get better but be better than you could imagine.

The sex with my AP, the intimacy, the passion and intensity were like nothing I"d ever experienced in my life. I thought if I let him go, I would let go of the dream I have for love. But I am here to tell you that if you GO THROUGH this agony of withdrawal, you will end up ina WAY BETTER PLACE....a place filled with love, passion, amazing sex, commitment, loyalty, love, compassion, 100% availability...all the dreams that you have.

But to have your dream come true, you have to get REAL. Take full responsibility for your role and place in this, and commit to extracting yourself from this role as second-class citizen. You deserve more, and you can have it. I am living proof.

Someone I had been confiding in during withdrawal sent me this text message and I committed to the words with all my heart...and what she said came true, so I pass it onto you. Write this on a post-it, or text it to yourself, or tape it on your computer or place in your wallet:

"If you give him up, really give him back to the universe, the universe will give you something much better. Trust me."




Edited 12/27/2009 2:29 am ET by loves_me

-Dianne, 41 yo
DH 37