It has been a yr. but I am back

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
It has been a yr. but I am back
6
Fri, 01-29-2010 - 6:14pm
I have been reading, reading, reading,my old posts, posts of others. I finally get it. I in my own little world have let small words from my boss blow out of control in my head. I hope this time I am headed in the right direction. Just a quickie for anyone who does not know me. I had an A with my boss. Last yr. I saw a T, because I thought this new girl was the problem. Now I know that is not true. She is however a backstabber, and a kiss a**but it is how some people are. And she is not my problem. Just until yesterday I was searching for a new job again. But why should I have too. I am good at what I do. It is myself that needs to change. I told my boss I had to let go, and you know what he said to me? "if you were not friends with my wife I would have no problem loving you" So what I get from that was as long as his wife does not know OW he is fine with it. WOW huge eye opener.
I am going to continue to read here it seems to help so many, and am ready for help. I have read so many posts that have given me encouragement. I cannot do the NC thing with him but I only need to talk to him at work and no where else I know realize that. I am not leaving this board until I can say I am happy again with myself.I hope I can get support here, I am really DONE with X
loveless
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Fri, 01-29-2010 - 8:33pm

Loveless ... you are so not Loveless.

Welcome back.

I'm new ... 12 days LC (colleagues) and I look in the mirror and I am already becoming a new person.

I can't believe how good it can feel to have control of my life. It is the most blissful feeling ever. Yes there are lows, real lows ... but they are getting fewer, and less intense. I love that I never ever ever have to feel again like I felt in the A - and I never ever
will have to make xAP feel the way the A made him feel.

Love your way,

J.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Fri, 01-29-2010 - 10:35pm

Loveless,


You sound determined this time around and eye-openers will happen when we are ready to see/hear the truth. I know you've been struggling with this for a long time, L, but

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Sat, 01-30-2010 - 5:32am

I just woke up, and already started thinking of x. But today is the first day of the rest of what I might say a dam good life.So instead of turning on TV I came here to read read read. Thankyou I am not leaving until I am well

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Sat, 01-30-2010 - 5:44am
J
Thank You, You sound so inspiring. I hope in 12 days I can see an improvement. Darn my heart for falling in love. I am starting to take control. I have so much going on in my life. My dad who lives with me is starting radiation Mon. My 30yr old son is moving back home ....economy.... But also good things happening I just had a grandson, he is precious, he lives in FL but they will be home for good in May. So I have much to keep me busy. As far as my boss goes I have 5 weeks that I have no reason to see him. We do go to the same places, but smile on my face, and let him think this ending never phased me. By the way I ended it.... But I realize now he tried a loooong time ago. How dumb am I?Well new days are here
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Sat, 01-30-2010 - 9:53am

Loveless,


Indeed yout plate

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Wed, 02-03-2010 - 12:28pm
I can't believe it has only been 5 days since I decided to end it
It seems like forever. I have cleaned, cleaned and cleaned some more. My son is back and that helps at night time. I still want to cry all the time, but I need to put on a happy face. I did see my xap (boss) this am. I did put on a happy face thank god I only saw him for 1min or so. I was getting coffee before I took my dad to radiation. I feel so restless. I must be doing a good job of hiding my emotions because H has not noticed a thing. I have been reading "letting go" ever day about 100 times. I want to be strong this time. This s**ks.........
Thanks for letting me vent....