Is it me?
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| Sun, 01-18-2004 - 4:34pm |
We were old sweethearts, met again had affair,he decided to try again at home & I have understood his reasons.
I beleived it had been as hard for him as for me to put behind us. All I wanted know was to be friends, not ones who meet up but just that when we see each other as we can't avoid(it would only be passing whilst out driving) we would continue to wave and smile and be happy to see each other as we had been doing up until now. We had talked about if things didn't work out in his marriage that if he was ever single (didn't matter how many years down the line) if I was on my own at the time we would meet up and see if we could salvage anything.
He texted a lot over Christmas all the usual can't forget you stuff etc and New year. I sent one text and he came to see me the following evening as he though I might of taken it the wrong way.
We talked it was friendly warm and obvious we both had feelings for each other but I didn't ask to see him nor expect it or want anything more than the understanding I though we had that if we saw each other, while out and about, it would be nice and we'd be happy with just that.
Then out of the blue he texted me said to make sure when I met someone else they deserved me and said goodbye. I asked why and he said he couldn't keep seeing me it was doing his head in, i explain I had never asked to see him and couldn't we be friends but he said we could never just be friends, so I said ok that I loved him & now had wanted no more than friendship but if that was what he wanted goodbye. I then broke down and cried for the weekend. I felt bereft. I had lost even a smile and wave from him. I had asked him to please use the alternative route to go to and from work as catching glances of him driving past hurt.
On Tuesday he drove past, (had no choice as on that bus route that day)and beeped the horn and smiled in at me. This is it, was I wrong or strange to feel bemused by his actions was i wrong to still feel hurt from his goodbye, am I mad or is it him. he texted me and as it was my birthday put a card through the door to the most special person I have ever met. I ignored his textes, he said a thank you would have been nice (i guess for the card)and that just because he said he didn't want to see me again he never said he didn't care, then he said he understood my not answering if I changed my mind to text and then the next day he texted telling me told me, to bugger off and finally never to talk to him again.
What did I do wrong, I keep going over and over it,if so say he cared if so say the reason he could see me was because he still cared and couldn't cope with it, if he felt we could never just be friends (meaning he felt more) why then tell me never to speak to him again. What did I do? and why did he say what he did? Feel like I'm going nuts!
Sorry for repeating myself perhaps i really am starting to loose it! I have lost all trust in him but still feel the need to understand!

I would think it will be very hard for him to work on things at home if he is still texting you and driving by waving, sending cards, etc...you both may be prolonging the pain a little longer is all.
I suggest complete NC for awhile but that's just my opinion.
Good luck!
I thought it was what he wanted when he said goodbye, and I ignored his messages and thats why he got funny with me, thats what I don't understand, why get like that towards me when I was trying to do what is best for him because I love him and want him to be happy even if that means with his wife.
Iknowitstime
(and so do you)
After I ended my affair my ex would try continuously to get in touch with me. Any contact from me would encourage him to keep it going and it would put me in danger of caving in to him.
Affairs are addictive!!!