It might be time.
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| Mon, 07-19-2004 - 11:40am |
Anyway, here's the background. And btw, this post is really for my own benefit, so that I can get all of this out and hopefully forget about it. If you don't read the whole thing, I won't be offended. =) Onto the background.
I am a MW of five years, with my DH 8 years before that. We have a wonderful pre-school aged son, and we're both professionals. We have a great life together. But we were going through some tough times since my son was born; DH kind of checked out of our marriage for awhile. His time was taken up by recreational activities (biking, etc. I do not believe he was involved with anyone else, btw) and I was basically raising our son with DH on the periphery. Fast-forward to this past winter, when I went away for the weekend with some girlfriends (to another girlfriend's house out of state). Turns out that while I was gone, DH had an epiphany of some sort and realized what a jerk he'd been to me. Also turns out that on that weekend, I got involved with the H of one of my friends. Definitely NOT PLANNED and definitely the first time it had ever happened to me. I would have NEVER imagined myself doing something like that, but it just felt totally right to me.
So anyway, now DH and I are on this course to getting our M back on track. We're in MC, which makes me feel terrible because I can't be honest about everything. I'll never tell him about the A (which is still ongoing despite the fact that we see each other only 1-2x/month) for a variety of reasons......I have to protect my friends in all of this as well.
But these days I'm just feeling....I don't know. I know there's no future here and honestly, I don't want a future. But things are just not settling right with me at the moment. I thought I could do this...I really like MM and we are about to have amazing experiences together when we have the chance, but I can't help feeling like there's no way he could give me what I need in the long-term. I don't think an A is the answer to what I'm looking for.
So there you have it. I'm in the midst of conflicting emotions, wondering whether or not I should end it, afraid that if I do, things will be weird between MM and I (he's married to my friend, remember, so we do see each other) or -- worse yet -- I'll regret it. But I'd also seriously regret anyone finding out about us. I really don't know what to do at the moment. ~sigh~
KC

I recently "celebrated" my 7 year anniversary with DH. It finally hit me that of that 7 years, I had been lying to him for over a third of the time. That's when I found this message board and read about being "lonely in limbo land". In fact I read it several times. I knew what I had to do. I think MM knew something was wrong too. I had just been with him the day before, and I could hardly look at him. Before he left he asked what was wrong and I couldn't even find the words. I just knew I didn't like the empty feeling I had.
My husband and I don't have the best relationship. He's not romantic...AT ALL. He never compliments me. He doesn't initiate sex very often. But, if I'm ever going to be happy with him, we have to work on it together. I can't be distracted by someone else. I need to focus all of my energy and thoughts on my DH. I need to accept his faults, and admit I have a few of my own. I need to stop waiting for him to iniate anything. I need to have an affair full of excitement...but with my husband.
My recommendation: read about the limbo land. It just might help you make the decision you need. Good luck and keep posting here. It has helped me these past two weeks.
~overhim2
That's the problem, isn't it? You are in a no-win situation. Look ahead to the future. Do you think this can continue the way it is for the rest of your lives? Doubtful. And trust me, there is NO painless way for an A to end. Either you will get found out; or you will choose to end your marriages & be together, thus hurting a ton of people you care about; or you will voluntarily have to end it, and you will go through a world of hurt. My advice to you is -- take control of your own life and end it now. Go through the inevitable pain of the healing process; at least it will be on YOUR terms, with a minimal amount of damage to your loved ones. Do it for yourself, your child, your DH, and your friend. It is a hard process, but ultimately SO worth it!
I am almost 8 months affair-free, and it has been a tough road -- but I have finally found the person I was before I started this whole thing! And life is so much better!!! Trust me, you can do it too!!!! :)
It is next to impossible to fix your marriage while your cheating on your family.