is it my buisness to ask the ex-wife

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
is it my buisness to ask the ex-wife
Fri, 04-18-2003 - 10:36pm
just would like your thoughts on asking my husbands ex wife why her marriage didnt work out with him and if iam making the same mistakes she did and i wanna ask her why she left and cheated is it in my place to ask those questions becuase i feel insecure about my marriage to my hubby ?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Fri, 04-18-2003 - 11:27pm
I guess it depends on your relationship with the ex, are you friends, do you talk about other things? Do you think that she would be inclined to help you? Is she bitter with him? My gut feel would be to say "no", there must be someone else you can talk to. And, you might want to consider how your H feels about you talking to his ex about the two of you, some guys don't want anyone to know the private things in their marrage. If you do talk to her, all you have is her opinion of what happened. You may never find the truth that you are searching for. Much as we would like to think that other people can help us, sometimes it is just us that can do what needs to be done. You can ask everyone you know, and get a lot of different opinions and sides to the story; what really matters is what you and your H think and feel. You probably know better than anyone what is going on in your marrage.
Avatar for guardedticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-19-2003 - 11:40am
First of all, please don't make the mistake of going to the XW. Their relationship was theirs and although there could very well be similarities in your situation as hers was, the problem is that she is WAY to close to the situation. Just remember, you could NEVER discuss anything with any assurance that it would be in confidence.

You spoke of the things you could be doing wrong and that boggled me a little. Have you ever considered since your DH has you and an XW, that he could be handling himself wrong in your marriage rather than you? Getting some couples counseling to save your marriage because you do still love your DH is a good place to start. But please, for your own sake, don't look for any answers from his XW.