I am so freaking glad to hear that you are SO CLOSE - but so close, isn't quite "there" yet is it? You've received an outpouring of support filled with reminders & reasons to end this nonsense. AND THAT's WHAT IT IS - nonsense.
We've said it TIME and AGAIN. There is NO CLOSURE that can be found in an affair if you are looking for answers outside of yourself, or from the xAP. There just isn't. The answers ARE ALL WITHIN YOU. So as far as not wanting to leave a stone unturned - come on, that's where YOUR COURAGE steps in. That's where you recognize that the ANSWERS which you seek WILL ONLY come once you HAVE ENDED your AFFAIR because YOU need time to FOCUS on JUST YOU. Your brain is floating with affair toxins, you haven't the distance or the space to see things from a different perspective. That's why we have BEGGED you to just trust the process, trust the board, and to trust ALL of us who have been where YOU ARE and WHO HAVE ENDED IT.
Sunrise, YOU MUST FOCUS ON YOU ... and get to bottom of these questions:
1) WHY did I ACTIVELY and KNOWINGLY have an affair 2) WHY did I ACTIVELY and KNOWINGLY make promises to another person that I KNEW deep down I wasn't going to keep, BUT did so anyways to have my ego stroked? 3) WHY was I a CAKE-EATER? 4) WHY did I risk SO MUCH for SO LITTLE?
And please remind yourself, that you knew deep down this:
"I think somewhere deep down I know it wouldn't work with AP"
Are YOU reading as MUCH as you can here?! How about Michele's thread in the healing library? How about information about co-dependence. THE ONLY thoughts & actions you can KNOW & CONTROL are your own.
Stop trying to FIGURE HIM OUT and FIGURE OUT YOURSELF.
Get on with it Sunrise. The sooner the better.
HUGE hugs & please please please take care of yourself by going NC and beginning the road to healing.
Please know that my response comes while under the influence of my own "spoiled eggs" findings about "leaving". I look forward to the other responses for my own understanding as well.
I also was afraid of letting go because of the "no stones unturned" feeling....THE "what if"...
Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
No, it's not your "fault", as a grown man that he is he does whatever he wants to. But he sounds like a catch, laundry was not folded so he went back to sleep with his wife and slept with her ever sinse? I suppose, laundry was left unfolded forever:)
I agree with TU - end this total nonsence, cut the contact and move on. Let his wife to mother him and stop looking for answers from him, because he doesn't have any.
Let me add a little bit to Michelle's response. Sorry if everyone has seen this before but i need sunrise to hear this too.
My XMM did leave his wife for me. Plopped down a whole bunch of money to the Divorce attorney. He declared his undying love for me for 4 months. Then all of a sudden,
I haven't read the other responses - but a couple of things are red flags for me...
Just because an AP leaves his wife in the beginning does not ensure anything - least of all that he will stay after - my xAP lived as a bachelor, separated from his wife for a YEAR or more and still, in the end returned to her and his family because he was a coward and too afraid of
Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
Dear Sunrise,
I am so freaking glad to hear that you are SO CLOSE - but so close, isn't quite "there" yet is it? You've received an outpouring of support filled with reminders & reasons to end this nonsense. AND THAT's WHAT IT IS - nonsense.
We've said it TIME and AGAIN. There is NO CLOSURE that can be found in an affair if you are looking for answers outside of yourself, or from the xAP. There just isn't. The answers ARE ALL WITHIN YOU. So as far as not wanting to leave a stone unturned - come on, that's where YOUR COURAGE steps in. That's where you recognize that the ANSWERS which you seek WILL ONLY come once you HAVE ENDED your AFFAIR because YOU need time to FOCUS on JUST YOU. Your brain is floating with affair toxins, you haven't the distance or the space to see things from a different perspective. That's why we have BEGGED you to just trust the process, trust the board, and to trust ALL of us who have been where YOU ARE and WHO HAVE ENDED IT.
Sunrise, YOU MUST FOCUS ON YOU ... and get to bottom of these questions:
1) WHY did I ACTIVELY and KNOWINGLY have an affair
2) WHY did I ACTIVELY and KNOWINGLY make promises to another person that I KNEW deep down I wasn't going to keep, BUT did so anyways to have my ego stroked?
3) WHY was I a CAKE-EATER?
4) WHY did I risk SO MUCH for SO LITTLE?
And please remind yourself, that you knew deep down this:
"I think somewhere deep down I know it wouldn't work with AP"
Are YOU reading as MUCH as you can here?! How about Michele's thread in the healing library? How about information about co-dependence. THE ONLY thoughts & actions you can KNOW & CONTROL are your own.
Stop trying to FIGURE HIM OUT and FIGURE OUT YOURSELF.
Get on with it Sunrise. The sooner the better.
HUGE hugs & please please please take care of yourself by going NC and beginning the road to healing.
TU.
Sunrise,
Please know that my response comes while under the influence of my own "spoiled eggs" findings about "leaving". I look forward to the other responses for my own understanding as well.
I also was afraid of letting go because of the "no stones unturned" feeling....THE "what if"...
What
Oh Sunrise-
No, it's not your "fault", as a grown man that he is he does whatever he wants to. But he sounds like a catch, laundry was not folded so he went back to sleep with his wife and slept with her ever sinse? I suppose, laundry was left unfolded forever:)
I agree with TU - end this total nonsence, cut the contact and move on. Let his wife to mother him and stop looking for answers from him, because he doesn't have any.
Love,
Gone
Hi sunrise
Let me add a little bit to Michelle's response. Sorry if everyone has seen this before but i need sunrise to hear this too.
My XMM did leave his wife for me. Plopped down a whole bunch of money to the Divorce attorney. He declared his undying love for me for 4 months. Then all of a sudden,
I haven't read the other responses - but a couple of things are red flags for me...
Just because an AP leaves his wife in the beginning does not ensure anything - least of all that he will stay after - my xAP lived as a bachelor, separated from his wife for a YEAR or more and still, in the end returned to her and his family because he was a coward and too afraid of
Awakening - THERE YA GO. THERE IS WHAT LIES on the other side.
I know you just told us the SIGNIFICANCE OF THAT by YOUR experience.
Do you care to elaborate how you felt going DOWN that path as opposed to where we are right now HAVING DODGED A BULLET????
PLEASE? :)
Thanks!!!
Critical stuff.
Wow.