Is it possible?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2004
Is it possible?
1
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 12:17am
Hi all. I am quite new to the board but have posted a few times. First off I'd like to thank everyone who responded for thier support. It's gotten me through many a day already, even if it's just reading others posts and advice. I have a question to ask, but first I'm going to re hash a little bit about my story and give an update....Sorry if its long, but makes me feel better just talking about it. Helps me know I am doing the right thing.

I have been married for 13 yrs and also HAD been having an affair with MM for the past 3.5 yrs. Just before Aug we had gone a stretch where we didn't actually see each other for 7 months, but during that time we still talked and e mailed. I could sense things were different but every once in awhile I still got all of the I miss you's and I love you's. A few weeks ago he told me that he had started seeing someone else who he worked with. Apparently she ended it with him right around the time he started to initiate more contact with me.

Like a fool, I went to see him on 3 more occassions. He had told me that he still talks to the girl from work. She actually left the province to go stay with her mother who is dying of cancer. He was looking after her place for her and he said that they were just friends that she needed support right now. The last time I went to his city to see him he asked if I wanted to go to "her apartment". I know...STUPID STUPID STUPID!! I was so curious about her though and was looking for ....well I don't really know....but we ended up going there.

So here is a man that not only cheats on his wife but also his gf. Boy do I know how to pick em! I felt so guilty after the last time I seen him I ended it with him 2 days later. He respected my decision and said that he still needed me to be his best friend and that he would still need to talk to me daily like we always had. Then he tells me that the other girl from work was coming home the next day! Argh! We ended on a good note and I didn't hear from him again for several days.

The fact that I knew she was back and I didn't hear from him drove me crazy. I made it 4 days before I broke NC. I emailed him some silly joke with a how are you kinda thing on it. He asked me to call him the next morning when he responded to the e mail. Like a fool I made the call. Although I kept it very casual I did manage to find out that the other women left again to go back to be with her mom. She basically came down for a booty call. So like a sucker I didn't hear from him the whole time she was here and the minute she leaves again he asks me to call. How many times do I have to put myself through this before I learn??

So anyhow..My xmm has gotten fired from his job. He's an alcoholic and also has a gambling problem. You may have noticed that I don't mention his wife? I know its a terrible thing to say, but I liked him being married. Just because of his lifestyle he isn't anyone I would ever consider being with on a full time basis. Don't get me wrong, I loved him deeply, but I could never live with him or expose my son to that kind of destructive behaviour.

Over the past 2 weeks I have played it very cool. We have barely spoken and when we have he has initiated it. During most of those times we had a few laughs and he always made sexual comments or started flirting. I shut him down. Mostly we talked about how he hurts people and needs to quit drinking. I have gotten several e mails about how much he needs me right now and that I am such a good friend bla bla bla. I am still hurt, but actually feel in control. I am starting to think about him less. As I have said before, I am not meaning to play games, but as long as he needs me I seem to be ok!

I know this is going to take alot of time to get over. I also know that its worse, or maybe I am really not moving on as long as we maintain contact. So I guess my question is....Can the A end and you still be able to remain best friends? Pls any imput would be greatly appreciated. If you were able to remain friends how long did it take to be in a comfortable situation?

Thank-you. xo
















iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 8:49am
needingtendit

JMO BUT NO, I have not seen it work yet.

Free