Is it possible. . .
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| Fri, 05-14-2004 - 12:59am |
During this time, xMM knew all this was going on. Everytime he called me i was crying. I was a wreck. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop with H--an A then hiding money from me--what was next.
Around this same time, is when this stupid "Mo" thing occured (i cannot for the life of me, believe that he would enter again in ANOTHER affair after he and i felt all the turmoil of this one).
I became too real, right? this is why he is gone. i can handle that, but i can't handle the thought that someone like me as fallen off the face of the earth. i am not a fallen off the face of the earth kind of gal. you may remember, for you old timers, i DID NOT post here from October thru March. That is when i was trying to work on my M and xMM and i were FRIENDS! I know the A is over, but i did believe that we could be friends. I just wish i knew the reasons why he dropped off in February. there are just some answers in life that you will never know, right?
little league today. only 3 weeks left to go! saw him across the way. neither one of us acknowledged each other. think we have to play his team again on Sunday. we've kicked their butts the last two outings--and will again! i will miss coaching next year, as that is what i've decided: i cannot be this close to him. It's a small price to pay.
Clarice

elf.
Iknowitstime
(and so do you)
I was just thinking similar things today about my XMM. He moved away last october without even saying goodbye. And i've heard nothing since in 7 months. His email is no longer valid & his mobile phone is no longer connected. Altho this was still connected until about March just gone. Long enough for me to send enough msgs to him which he never responded to any. So i have had NC since october but to be honest its only because he has never attempted to contact me. He left me believing that we would still be in touch. 'Friends forever' he said. No matter what. I got to thinking today why do i even care that he hasn't even bothered to contact me. I fell for this guy but i never fell in love. I am very much in love with my H of nearly 19 years. I was happy to be just a friend if that's all he wanted but he never even told me that he had changed his mind & couldn't do this after all. We had been physical during our times together but never sexual until the last time. And we were supposed to spend his last day here together until plans changed & his W didn't leave ahead of him. This change i didn't find out about until i msg'd him. We even talked about seeing each other again not long after he left as his initial move wasn't going to be as far as his eventual move. We even arranged a place to meet halfway. So i was thinking today about how no matter how hard you try not to let them, emotions always get in the way. Which only made me wonder if that final step we had taken to experiencing something sexual made the connection 'too real'. He once said to me 'i hope you are not going to fall in love' to which i replied 'i hope not either'. He then said 'but not enough to leave DH' to which i said 'that will never happen'.
So perhaps both your & my XMM were beginning to feel something more than they wanted to given their committment to their families. And as many people on here have said, men handle their emotions so much differently to women. So maybe you were just 'too hard' to be around but not for the reasons you said. Maybe he was feeling like he wanted more from you than was originally 'the plan'. My XMM once said to me after a misunderstanding when we first started seeing each other that this was supposed to be fun but it didn't feel like that after what i had said to him over this misunderstanding. This misunderstanding resulted in us not having contact for about 4 months after which time we eventually started talking again & things just picked up where they had left off. I don't know now wether to feel like he just decided to have a bit of fun before he moved away (as this move was the first thing he told me about when we were back in contact) or wether he just couldn't handle the emotions once our A went sexual, even tho it was only the once. Also you mentioned about all the problems you were having with your H & how your XMM couldn't be there for you when you needed him to be, like friends are supposed to be. Maybe that was just because that took the 'fun' out of things.
So i guess i'm saying that i know where you are coming from with these thoughts. But don't be too hard on yourself. It just may be that he was feeling more than he wanted to. At least that's what i decided to believe today about my XMM. Maybe it will be easier to get over if i think of it like that instead of the option of feeling like he just wanted some fun before he moved away & didn't have to give me a second thought. This was always in the back of my mind but i was stupid enough not to clarify it before taking that final step. Maybe i was afraid of the answer.
Keep your chin up girl, you are doing great.
Kas