Is it rebound or REAL?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Is it rebound or REAL?
19
Wed, 02-04-2004 - 4:33pm
I'm new at this, so, bear with me.

About 3 months ago, the love of my life left me because he was scared of a relationship, scared to get hurt. Well, his best friend comforted me. One thing led to another, and now he's saying he loves me. I feel great things for him, but there is one problem. He's engaged. When guy #1 found out about me and his friend through guy #2's fiance, he was mad. However, I didn't care any longer about guy #1's feelings, I was more concerned about guy #2's feelings. What do I do? Should I wait it out to see if guy #2 is being honest when he says he wants to leave his fiance, or should I get out of the whole thing? What is love worth? Or is it rebound? or do I just sound desparate?

HELP!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Wed, 02-04-2004 - 5:53pm
one month, two months, three months...

None of this is very much time, in the grand scheme of things, is it? Of course not!

My recommendation would be to step away from ALL of them, for AT LEAST 2 months. If guy #2 "really" loves you, that gives him time to break his engagement, and do some soul searching. IF your thing with him is "for real", it could stand 60 days separation.

If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't it never was.

In the meanwhile, the 60 days would give you a little time to re-acquaint yourself with yourself. Get to know yourself out side of the "relationship you". Get to know "independent you" again.

Just my 2 cents... anonymous internet guy that I am...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Thu, 02-05-2004 - 9:11am
Thank you for that response. I really do appreciate it. Last night, guy #2 told me he's falling in love with me. Perhaps I just want to fall in love, but I think I know that he's not the "right" man for me. Thank you. I will let it go.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Thu, 02-05-2004 - 9:13am
One more question... do I tell this poor girl?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Thu, 02-05-2004 - 11:01am
I wouldn't. That just involves you further w/ guy #2. He'd then have to come back w/ a "why'd you do that?! I was getting around to it!" and gives everyone more excuses for more drama and continued contact.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Thu, 02-05-2004 - 4:15pm
Yes but I put myself in this girl's position... if I were engaged to a guy, planning a wedding, and he was involving himself with someone else, I would want to know. A person cannot make an informed decision if they don't know all of the facts. And he may get angry, but he's in the wrong here. Will the truth set me free?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Thu, 02-05-2004 - 5:18pm
You WOULD want to know, but do you know that she would want to know? I can imagine that some people wouldn't. Some would. The key is, it isn't your decision to make, deciding what she should or shouldn't know.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Fri, 02-06-2004 - 1:37pm
You are right. I guess if she wants to know my story, she'll ask. If she doesn't care, then she doesn't care.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Fri, 02-06-2004 - 2:53pm
Your heart is in the right place. It is easy to want to "save" her from making a mistake. It is easy to want her to know the story, but the reality is... she would always question your motives in approaching her. (and maybe she wouldn't want to know... we don't know if she would or not, do we?) You would come off as "the homewrecker" and it really would just involve you even more with these folks. It would be ugly for everyone (you, him, her). No one "wins". Everyone loses. Trust that if he's no good, she'll find out. Sounds like he's looking for an "out" anyway. Let him find it for himself.

You've got to take care of you.

Walk away. That is probably best. It is a form of "no contact" that I am so big on. Walk away, and leave this group of people behind. Find new people, do things that interest you, and focus on getting "YOU" right w/ the world.

(Most women I know that find love & happiness found it when they weren't really looking).

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Fri, 02-06-2004 - 3:14pm
I completely agree with you. I have tried numerous times to walk away from this guy. Many times in the last few months. but I can't. I want to SO BAD, but I won't. For what reason? Beats me. HELP!!!! How do I have No CONTACT? Just stop accepting his calls? Tried it, it doesn't work. I can't walk away without closure.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-06-2004 - 3:30pm

JLT, yes, you can do it.

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