it sounds silly, but.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2004
it sounds silly, but.....
2
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 10:52am
When I had answered claricews 'ambigiuos NC' post, I remembered something I did that seemed to help loads in sticking to my desicion of NC. It sounds kind of goofy, but it really did make a difference for me. I had gone to see my XMM at his apartment (if you read my story you will understand a bit more "bear with me... my story") Before i had gone to see him, I wrote him a letter, in case he was not home. Turns out the apartment was empty, he had gone back to his wife. On my way home (about 40 minutes) I was, of course, beside myself with this bit of information and just didn't know how to deal with it. It was a windy, but beautiful, early fall day and was driving down lonely back roads. I came across an intersection and stopped. I tore that letter up into little bits and released it into the wind at what I considered to be a very important crossroads in my life. I let it all go there. It was a symbolic gesture that really felt freeing to me. (I do have a strict rule against littering, and in turn picked up a squashed coffee cup I found at the site... karma, you know!) I suggested to Claricews that she write a mock obit for the death of the relationship (him actually, but that might have been a bit too harsh, sorry). But it could be anything... the letter you would give him if you could say anything.... the eulogy for the affair, everything you want the world to know about the best/worst, kindest/cruelist man in the world. Whatever you need to release. Then burn it, tear it up and let it go, or bury it somewhere.... whatever. If your a sentimental symbolic fool like me, I bet it will help. Love to all
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 11:02am
I did something similar with a letter to my xmm, butI chose to burn mine. Still it felt good to watch it go up in flames and let it go.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 1:52pm
I have done many rituals since this whole thing started--but i've not written a letter or an obit or eulogy and gone through the process of burning it or ripping it to shreds. That sounds like a good idea.

I did make myself an anklet at Summer Camp last year with my kids: it was 72 beads and i promised myself i would feel better about all of this in 72 days. On the 72nd day, i had discovered my H was having an A. I took the anklet off and threw it in the trash. No lesson here, but that anklet was comforting everytime i looked at it. I have a new one on know--a string anklet that is supposed to represent strength. When the strength comes, the anklet is promised to break.

Maybe it's time for a pow wow in the fireplace in my backyard?

Clarice