It still hurts.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
It still hurts.....
1
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 10:59am
Just when I thought I was over this breakup, it all came back. If ending this A was just ending another relationship I think I could handle it better. It's so much more for me.

It's about changing my life.......raising the bar.....viewing myself in a different light. It's about trying to become the "best" person I can be. It's about growing, getting in touch with who I am. Learning what makes me happy. It's about evolving into a new creature. It's something that I have needed to do for a long time.

I guess today, I'm just feeling a little weak. I talked to ex-MM last week, we talked about our relationship and what went wrong. During that conversation he told me at one time (during one of our breakups) he feel in love with another woman. You see, I've always known that he never loved his W. They had only been married 3 months, when we started seeing each other. But, to think of him actually being in love with someone other than me. For me to think of that hurts.

To think of him moving on, either with his W, or with someone other than me, is hurtful.

It's like I'm searching for the answer. I feel like I'm in a storm, and I know the lighthouse is there, I just can't seem to find it.

I've been with this man for 17 years. He is such a huge part of my life. I've got to do this for me.

Thanks for listening.......

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 2:06pm
((((((Hugs)))))), Secret. First, let me say that you don't sound weak at all. In fact, your post sounds like you've really got it! It's about you! Evolving into more of the person you want to be! That's wonderful and exciting!

But I can so identify with the rest of it. It's also lots and lots of hard work, that we don't always feel up to doing.

I can also relate to OMM with another woman! To think, ME, the ex-mistress, having the gaul to get my bloomers twisted because the OMM's got another woman!!! How's that for irony? I just knew my OMM well enough to know that whether he loves anyone else or not, he's GOT TO have a partner for sex. I wasn't his first partner, that's for sure, and I certainly wasn't the last. So I'm willing to bet that he's already in the sack with someone else, and yes, the image of that in my head stings a bit.

But actually loving another woman? That must really sting for you, Secret. Ah, this is all so difficult.

I didn't realize before this post that you were involved with your OMM for 17 years! If you mentioned it before it must have gone right over my head, my apologies. That's a really long time and I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you...

Love and hugs, Mo.

mo 7-18-10