is it worse during the holidays?
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is it worse during the holidays?
| Wed, 12-22-2010 - 2:53pm |
If ever there were a recurring subject-thread on this board, I would assume it is this topic.
| Wed, 12-22-2010 - 2:53pm |
If ever there were a recurring subject-thread on this board, I would assume it is this topic.
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I have these things and refer back to them because she will always be a part of me and I don't want there to ever be a time that she is not a part of me.
Nope - not more difficult for me this year ...
I look forward to this holiday more so than any holiday I had when xAP was in my life. Why?
Because I won't have to contend with the horrible ways we made one another feel during this time. All the "I wish I was kissing you on Christmas morning" kinda BS, all the drama and wishing myself away makes me sick to think about. Ya, this person was at some point significant and special, but we caused one another to SUFFER ... that's no love, that's just plain selfish. If I really cared about him like I thought I did, I would wish for him to find a way to let me go, to stop "loving" me, to get rid of anything and everything tangible that reminded him of me, and to get on with repairing his life. I don't want someone to miss out on their real life mourning the loss of a fantasy world. That's not kind or loving. And I wish he'd wish me the same thing - but I am not hanging my hat on that, nor waiting for his permission.
NOW THAT would be a holiday wish worth making - that we'd all send out to the Universe the wish for healing for all after the destructive actions we took. We'd wish and work toward indifference during the holiday season (and beyond) - NOT sit and reflect on experiences that if those you loved knew about would destroy all they believed to be true in their world.
And as far as you/she will always love her/you, I am sure my xAP thinks the same, little does he know that will lots of good therapy & with the assistance of this board, loving him is NOT a feeling a have for him now ... I had to have the courage to be okay with the concept that he might/probably doesn't "love" me any more either to really say it out loud - Nope, I don't love him anymore, and he doesn't love me anymore ... and I am alive & well. The mourning period is over.
I am sorry, I don't get where you are coming from, but if you think it's working for you (or anyone else in your real life), all I can suggest is to maybe think again,
with care,
TU.
Yikes to the last paragraph,
THAT'S VERY SHAKY THINKING GROUND, No wonder you're feeling melancholy.
STOP THAT.
Do you want to get better? Or fritter away your hours on exactly what TU said...A FANTASY WORLD.
Make your Real Life worth dwelling on, and ENJOY THIS SEASON as a GIFT to be a NEW MAN.
Peace to you,
Michelle
MM,
I only questioned your commitment to this ending. My gut reaction, you want to hang on. Thats what it sounded like to me.
It is my weakness, so I see it everywhere in other peoples lives.
I hope I am wrong.
I, like many of these other fine souls, see nothing but problems by holding on to the memories that you profess.
RBM
We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.
Not sure which "last paragraph" you're referring to since I posted several times, but...
I am getting better.
I agree RBM, you can't move on with RL if you are holding on.
Many of us have gone through this breakup more than three times. Length of time doesn't qualify it as true love, either.
I would be inclined to believe in your story book romance if you felt that nothing would stand between you two, IF you really loved each other, you would be together and live happily ever after. That just isn't the case.
You hedged your bet, by saying Three strikes and I'm out.
I am inclined to believe that
We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.
I'm not really sure what [or whether} you are taking issue with RBM?
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