Is it wrong of me to want more than this
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| Fri, 02-06-2004 - 9:22pm |
Anyway, he went ballistic...kept saying, "your replacing me??" and i got sucked into it, all day long, texting back and forth...explaining that i was looking for someone to love me the way i needed to be loved, and him writing back "i DO love you"...
it doesn't matter if he loves me though..because his actions never show it, and he never even tells me he loves me now unless we are fighting. so, it is really sad, but i think this time, i have to do NC. no matter what he says to me, i am never going to believe it anyway anymore...because every time he makes promises to me, he breaks them now. and i want to be rid of this feeling, this awful pit in the stomach feeling.
i wish more than anything that he acted toward me the way he used to before we were officially "in an affair"...he was the most loving when we were just friends. i want that back. but it doesn't seem possible because he can't seem to treat me lovingly.
is it wrong of me to want that? what do i neeed with another casual friend???

Lotus, you deserve for him to treat you with respect.
I sound like a broken record but NC is for you, sweetie. It's to protect you while you get perspective on this affair, what happened, why it happened, your feelings, everything. This man is not looking after YOU -- he's only thinking of himself.
A very dear male friend of mine for many years -- not my affair -- told me a few years ago that he could no longer be friends with me because I was a threat to his relationship with his girlfriend of many many years. He went into NC with me and we had never even kissed or even had a single emotionally intimate moment. We were truly "just friends" on my end. BUT I care enough about him and trust him that this was what HE needed and I've stayed away ever since. And this hurt me very badly at the time because I valued our friendship very much.
After about a year, we ran into each other in public totally accidentally and he said he'd like to get together for lunch. I said, only if your girlfriend knows about it. He smiled and said, well, I guess we can't have lunch then!
Respect yourself enough not to play this ridiculous manipulative game with this man. He sounds like a borderline sociopath to me.
You DO DESERVE MORE THAN THIS. You can have more than this. I promise! It's not you -- it's you in THIS relationship with THIS man.
I believe this because almost immediately after I ended my A a year ago, I met a WONDERFUL available divorced dad. We've been together ever since and it's truly the best, healthiest, sexiest, most loving and honest relationship I've ever experienced. WE CAN HAVE THIS!!
Good luck & believe in yourself & your own future happiness & cut out the trash. whatever you shared with him in the past, it's over. You keep hoping to recapture it, and you're just beating yourself down.