It's been two years (still coworkers with XAP)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2008
It's been two years (still coworkers with XAP)
6
Mon, 11-22-2010 - 2:44pm

It's been two years since we had a d day. I can't believe it's been that long honestly.

I posted here many moons ago and it was a great help.

We work together, XAP and I and by work I mean, emailing about 10 times per day on work related stuff.

TEN TIMES A DAY. Dealing with him has me exhausted. I have blocked and walked as much as I can.

I do not say hello to him in the hall, I pretend he is not there and do not acknowledge him. He always seems to have lingering stares as I pass him, but I never break my concrete exterior. I felt like I was on the edge of indifference, to all of it.

NOW, he has started to be friendly and joking around in all his emails? Before, we were both cold, to the point, professional but now it is like he has come full circle and is trying to be friendly with me.

What is he doing? what is the point? The end and the d day with his wife was a complete nightmare. Something I wouldn't wish on anyone.

I don't know. I don't want anything to do with him but the fact that he is acting happy and joking around with me is making me angry. Like what happened never did. Like he never hurt me like he did.

I'm just mentally drained from dealing with this - day in and day out.

Tynk


no contact means feeling free, not feeling guilty and looking in the mirror and finally, finally&n

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010

Hi T

I take my hat off to you, what a STRONG woman you are, and have been,

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2008

Vanessa

I'm not married and this job is my livelihood at the moment. I've looked for several jobs (really) and have had a few interviews but nothing has panned out. When everything went down, I had so much disdain for him, I refused to leave. I told myself HE would have to, but he hasn't budged. It's been a hard two years. He sat about 10 feet from my office for a good year and a half of that time, but he is on the other side of the floor now. We still have run ins, etc. but like with most things, it gets easier with time. Maybe not 'easier' but 'bearable'.

The question of my sanity is a good one but if I haven't lost it now, I think I've weathered the hardest of the storms (as you might read in some of my old posts).

Tynk


no contact means feeling free, not feeling guilty and looking in the mirror and finally, finally&n

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010
Hi T

You poor thing, i admire you SO much for having the strength that you have had these past couple of years, you are amazing!!! You are right - what doesn't kill you makes you stronger hun.

I must mention that i noticed the typo in my post, but you answered before i corrected it. I most certainly 'cannot' not 'can' (lol) offer you personal advice, because i have NOT been in your shoes, given that my A took place out off work.

I truly hope that you find a bigger and better job away from EAP, or better still HE LEAVES. All i can say to you at this point is hold your head up high and reinforce that amazing strength you have had thus far. You have it within you, and you can do it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2010

Hi Tynkerbell!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2009

Hi tynkerbell

Please RUN from this man. Do not give in to his fishing attempts if you want to set yourself back to square one!!

I was in the same

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2008
sister-thanks :) The thought that I inspired someone really makes me smile.
Trust me, I never, ever thought XAP would come back to being friendly with me. I was sure we were on the outs for good and he would never break. However, it's not true. I have read so many stories where they come back around. I thought he never would bc he was so scared since his wife found out (well he told her) and they have a child. Saying that, look at him now. My advice is ALWAYS be on guard, sisterchange. You never know the day when they will get bored and miss the ego boost. You must keep your wall up forever now.

I just read your story. All very familiar, especially the wife hunting you down. That alone scared me off from dealing with xap ever again. I was sure she would be waiting for me outside of work.

It's a long process, but trust me, you can do it. You are stronger than you think and you need to be both kind and patient with yourself. I know it does not feel like now, but the best gift he is giving you is ignoring you. This will be very beneficial in your healing. I didn't believe that at first, but it's true. It's time to turn the focus on you and figure out how you got to where you are. I'm glad you are in therapy. It was the first time I had ever been to a therapist after it happened, but it does help.
It's time to make you a priority. You've been making someone a priority for a long time, when in reality they've only been making you an option.

I think one of the greatest threads on this website is Wisdom and Insights. Read them all.
Hey even I made it on page 18! woo

http://forums.ivillage.com/t5/The-Healing-Library/WISDOM-AND-INSIGHTS/td-p/107968320/highlight/true/page/18

Tynk


no contact means feeling free, not feeling guilty and looking in the mirror and finally, finally&n