It's been a while...

Avatar for love.actually
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2005
It's been a while...
5
Wed, 04-24-2013 - 3:30pm

Hi everyone. It's been ages since I've been here. I ended my affair in '07. AP and I are/were both married. We went cold turkey. No contact. He just recently contacted me again. Truthfully, I've thought about him here and there, little things that remind me of him in general (not necessarily US together). But to be contacted... ugh. And I found out that he's since been divorced and remarried. So now I feel used and dumb.

Anywho... hoping to get some input. I've worked through my marriage and am happy now, but I'm still so hurt by this. Do you think it's normal? Do you think I'll always feel something for him, even though obviously I was a notch on the belt (that he keeps coming back to)? Just so torn.

I'm on the fence about contacting him. Not to get together again (he's in a different country anyway, but our A started as an emotional one and was 99% emotional as we lived in different states and only saw each other a handful of times, but I was extremely emotionally involved) but to say how disgusted I am. But then I think no reply would be an even bigger slap to him. Thoughts?

Thanks.
-K.

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
Fri, 04-26-2013 - 5:49pm

Hey Love.Actually

Glad you posted in again and are being very smart about how to proceed...and that is not to do anything.  Silence indeeds sends a very loud message.

Our egos can really get us into a lot of trouble.  Happy to see that you will be keeping yours in check and so are protecting yourself.

Post in again or as much as you need for support if you feel yourself waivering and need to be talked off the ledge.

((hugs))

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

Avatar for love.actually
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2005
Fri, 04-26-2013 - 3:49pm

Hey everyone, thank you for the replies. You're right. It would totally be me opening a can of worms. Maybe because I'm just a grudge holder? That it's killing me that he's going to get the last word? But then, my silence would be my last word. Gah. I just hate that I truly had feelings for him and, well, here I am. 

I'm too old to be playing tit for tat, but he brings it out in me. (Which, I know is another bad thing.)

I've previously trashed anything relating to him. I even blocked him on FB so that even if I wanted to sneak a peek, it would require me jumping through hoops in settings and no time for that. 

Just angry that after all this time, here he is again. Seems to be his MO though. 

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2004
Thu, 04-25-2013 - 2:22pm

I would guess your BH never found out about the A. Why would you want to open that can of worms again? It certainly increases the possibility of finally being discovered and then what happens to your now happy M? Not a good idea.

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
Thu, 04-25-2013 - 11:48am

Morning, Love.Actually

Seems like you already know that contacting him is a bad idea.  Why bother?  You already know how it started in the first place, why go there again?

I think it's normal to think of past relationships, but some relationships are in the past for a good reason, and so should stay in the past.

You feel like a notch in his post, why set yourself up to be notched again?

And one more thing, the first time you might have been unaware and naive to that slippery slope...you aren't now.  It would be a conscious decision to walk down that road to perdition.

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2013
Wed, 04-24-2013 - 7:25pm

Do you like the way he makes you feel? It doesn't sound like it from your post. Maybe it's best you avoid him in order to avoid further heartache. Plus, if you are happy now...then what's the point? Will he make you happier?