It's been a year...
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| Mon, 02-21-2005 - 2:14pm |
Hey all! I used to be very active on this board and now I mainly lurk but I lurk very regularly.
It's been just about a year since I ended my A. I never spoke to my XMM again after I ended it. We did exchange some text messages until I wised up and realized that they were causing me harm. I haven't had contact with him of any kind in about 4 months. The contact I had before that was a very occasional text message when something happened that made him think of me; i.e. birthday, my annual fundraiser, etc. Those exchanges were kept extremely brief. He might have sent me a tm saying "Happy Birthday." and I'd answer with " thanks for thinking of me." That was about it. In retrospect those exchanges weren't wise, but they didn't rekindle the A either. It's been over 1 year since we were last together and we broke up over the phone.
So how does it work???? Follow the advice you get on this board from those who have BTDT. Some of the fine ladies who helped me out are no longer here, but I think I still see Free and Posie around and they've got good advice to give. Bottom line, no contact of any kind.
During the past year I've ferreted all of the "extra" love I had from XMM to my DH. Our marriage is better than ever. We've managed to rebuild the whole kittencaboodle, which is no small miracle. For the first 6 months or so, whenever I thought to contact XMM, I'd contact my DH instead. I took the opportunity to send DH a text message or e-mail anytime I saw something that reminded me of him or made me think of him in anyway; i.e. we're both huge football fans, so anything I saw about our favorite teams I passed on to him. Somehow, those small acts managed to rekindle the old feelings I had for him, before the A.
I have a totally different viewpoint on affairs these days. I realize how they robbed my family of my full attention and time. I also feel 100% awful about XMM's wife. If I could apologize to her, I would in a heartbeat. I don't think I will ever forgive myself for what I did to her and how I interfered in her life. Don't get me wrong - I'm quite certain XMM didn't go back to his marriage and give it another go. I'm positive he's out with another OW, which is just fine with me. It tells me that he couldn't be trusted and he eventually would have gotten tired of me as well.
Today I thank God daily that I made the decision I did. I will never regret staying in my marriage - although a year ago I would never have believed that it was possible. It took a tremendous amount of work, but has been so well worth it. I do believe that cheating on my DH was the worst mistake I've ever made!, and ending my A to start over with my XMM would've been catastrophic.
For all of you who are struggling with ending your As, please, I beg you, take my message seriously. When you do the "right" thing, things have a way of working out and getting better. If you are lucky enough to have an H who adores you and wants to rebuild with you, give it a chance. You might be so surprised at what you'll learn.
Love and hugs, Mo.


A true inspiration. Thank you for posting your story. Helps to see that you can reach the other side, and come out a better person.
Kudos to you ;)
thanks for sharing, its good to know that other survive and able to move on, it seems so hopeless from where we are right now and good to know u and other are able to live again and love again and get over the affair
max