It's been a year!
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It's been a year!
| Thu, 01-20-2005 - 8:25pm |
This time last year I was in the midst of an emotional affair. A month from now it will be one year that the physical affair started. I met my OM online and he came to see me. My DH and I were on the outs and had talked of getting a divorce. My OM was where I thought my life was headed. In the long run, my DH and I decided to work on our marriage and fight for what we felt was worth fighting for. Right after that decision though, I found out that I was pregnant by OM. My DH, at first, was very reluctant to stay with me. However, we worked through that. Now he is a very devoted father to OUR little girl. My DD's biological father has given up all rights to her and hasn't done a thing for her since the day I told him I was pregnant. We have not had any contact since March of 2004. With these year anniversaries coming up though, I can't help but think of him. I wonder if he thinks of me and his baby. I find myself worrying about him and wondering if he's okay. Are these normal feelings to have? I mean, it's been a year, shouldn't I be getting "over" this already? I have not felt as much guilt since the birth of my daughter. I think that her delivery (which I did natural and very painfully) sort of cleansed me of a lot of the guilt. Like feeling the physical pain helped heal the emotional pain. If that makes sense. Anyway, I'm rambling now. I just wanted to post someplace that may actually understand what I am feeling. Thanks so much for listening!

Ilove
It sounds like your just hitting a trigger, DDay can be a trigger for you and DH, so can the birth last contact dates, different things cause it to happen, don't read anything into it everyone goes through it, it may get worse as you approach the A of the beginning of the PA but it will pass.
Free
I am now on the receiving end of this after catching my hubby cheating 2 weeks ago - we are again trying to work things out. Neither one of us wants to end our marriage but I've made it very clear that there will not be a second chance here for either one of us.
Supress those feelings of wonder and concentrate on your family - you chose to stay and your hubby and your baby deserve your full attention.
If it helps, allow yourself certain times to think about him like when your driving - this helps me even 14 years later.
Good luck