It's been a year!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
It's been a year!
4
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 8:25pm
This time last year I was in the midst of an emotional affair. A month from now it will be one year that the physical affair started. I met my OM online and he came to see me. My DH and I were on the outs and had talked of getting a divorce. My OM was where I thought my life was headed. In the long run, my DH and I decided to work on our marriage and fight for what we felt was worth fighting for. Right after that decision though, I found out that I was pregnant by OM. My DH, at first, was very reluctant to stay with me. However, we worked through that. Now he is a very devoted father to OUR little girl. My DD's biological father has given up all rights to her and hasn't done a thing for her since the day I told him I was pregnant. We have not had any contact since March of 2004. With these year anniversaries coming up though, I can't help but think of him. I wonder if he thinks of me and his baby. I find myself worrying about him and wondering if he's okay. Are these normal feelings to have? I mean, it's been a year, shouldn't I be getting "over" this already? I have not felt as much guilt since the birth of my daughter. I think that her delivery (which I did natural and very painfully) sort of cleansed me of a lot of the guilt. Like feeling the physical pain helped heal the emotional pain. If that makes sense. Anyway, I'm rambling now. I just wanted to post someplace that may actually understand what I am feeling. Thanks so much for listening!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 9:26pm

Ilove

It sounds like your just hitting a trigger, DDay can be a trigger for you and DH, so can the birth last contact dates, different things cause it to happen, don't read anything into it everyone goes through it, it may get worse as you approach the A of the beginning of the PA but it will pass.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 3:48am
I understand, it's been 14 years since my affair and I still think of him at times. The important thing is NOT to contact him - there shouldn't be and should never have been another person in your marriage - 3 doesn't work.
I am now on the receiving end of this after catching my hubby cheating 2 weeks ago - we are again trying to work things out. Neither one of us wants to end our marriage but I've made it very clear that there will not be a second chance here for either one of us.
Supress those feelings of wonder and concentrate on your family - you chose to stay and your hubby and your baby deserve your full attention.
If it helps, allow yourself certain times to think about him like when your driving - this helps me even 14 years later.
Good luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 2:04pm
Thank you for your reply. I have no desire to contact him. I just wonder about him. My dh would leave for sure if he knew we had contact!! I do NOT want that to happen. We agreed that dh was going to raise dd as his own and he is on the birth cert. We are both doing a great job loving her and dh has totally accepted her. It's funny that you said to think of OM while driving. I do! That is when I wonder the most if he is okay or if he thinks of his child. I wish you and your dh luck as well. Thanks again for your reply.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 2:08pm
Thank you for your reply Free. I appreciate knowing that it is normal for me to have these feelings, especially approaching these anniversaries. I was beginning to wonder if I was relapsing into wanting contact. And I really do NOT want that in my heart of hearts. Dh and I are doing well for the most part and I think we can make it through. He tells me that I am harder on myself then he is. Thank you again.