Its done...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2008
Its done...
4
Thu, 09-24-2009 - 9:24am

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2009
Thu, 09-24-2009 - 12:02pm

((((highsandlows))) welcome back. Congratulations on walking away from your A, yes yes it is hard but as time goes by you will find strength and peace of mind once again. The 'pain' part you're feeling right now is addiction withdrawal and I can assure you it will die down. 1 second, 1 minute, 1 hour, 1 day at a time, sweetie. I would recommend T at this point if you're interested in digging down into the 'whys' of it all; it helped me a lot.

I can relate to the 'not loving' the xAP part. When I was in the fog I thought I loved him but as it was clearing I certainly realized that what was going on was NOT love and my feelings were not love feelings. They were feelings of addiction and painful withdrawal when he wasn't around. It wasn't love it was co-dependency; he treated me badly and I not only tolerated I even somehow encouraged and enabled it. It's a very painful realization and I'm still working on forgiving myself even after 7 months. But my life is a WHOLE LOT better without xMM in it!! (I am D).

huge hugs!!!

trixie xo



"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.”
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Thu, 09-24-2009 - 12:34pm

Hi Highsandlows,


Congrats. on your decision to take you life back. Ending an A is a process and part of the process is grieving. You have a good mindset and a good understanding of things already so you really are ahead even though it doesn’t feel like it right now.


People get involved in A’s for all different reasons. Some of us were hurting, lonely or had some void we are trying to fill. It has nothing to do with intelligents. We simply pushed that aside and went with what “felt good” thinking we were following are heart. We asked our heads to step aside and didn’t use it very much when making our choices.


You are using your head now to get out of A. You are on the right path to see “why” you chose xAp tp have an A with. It will help you in guarding yourself from the same pit fall again.


Keep posting and this community that has some wonderful people will lend their support.


Much love and big hugs,


E1


Whether you think you can or you think you cant you are probably right.


A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.




Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2008
Thu, 09-24-2009 - 1:15pm

Thank you wonderful Trixie.. There was a always nagging thought in my head about what I was doing with XAP. There were highs but incredible lows as I never heard from him unless I initiated, was yelled at for the slightest thing I said whether I meant it or not. Yes I know I need to break myself away the addiction. I was blown away by how you were able to shut the door on XAP when he came fishing. I hope to get there. I hope to gain the strength. I don't want to go back into the hell hole. I want to look forward to rebuilding my marriage with my wonderful and sweet husband. The husband I was so in love with ..


Yes I definitely want to figure out the why's but I really cant go into T right now. I am going to try and heal on my own. One thing is for sure . Ill never go down this slope again with any other man. Once is good. The best part was that not only was I not treated properly ( or rather I let myself get treated badly) the S was not good either so I dont know what the H I was doing with him! I always got criticized with what I wore , my jewellery , my car. Basically it was almost as if I had set myself up for abuse!


Theres just one thing I'm having trouble with and I'm hoping that

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2008
Thu, 09-24-2009 - 1:23pm

Thanks E1 for the words of encouragement. Ive read your posts and you give great advice.


Im kind of feeling very empty now. Earlier in the day I was extremely sad and felt physically sick. Now nothing.. I'm actually hoping this numb feeling lasts and that it just morphs into something that fades away.. I guess Ill have no such luck and will have to go through the grieving process . I live in a very small city so there are a large number of triggers around. Every day, every hour is probably going to be tough. Ill take a day at a time..or maybe a min at a time like Trixie says. I cant go back into it again so all I pray for is the strength to keep me out of it.