Its done! ...and I'm a disaster

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2009
Its done! ...and I'm a disaster
16
Tue, 12-29-2009 - 12:12pm

Well,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Wed, 12-30-2009 - 7:22am

Why~

Sienna is right. You will feel better in just a few short weeks if you can AVOID, to the best of your ability, any contact with JAM and the people you both know. Anything you hear about him will set you back right now.

I was beaming over your little get-together last night and you are correct. Surround yourself with friends and family, keep reading here for strength and support, and know that you are going to make it out of this emotional quagmire. Time and distance are the keys to winning this battle.

((Hugs))

~ Iddy~

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2007
Wed, 12-30-2009 - 9:03am

It is a bit embarrassing that I am still on this board a year later after my A ended. It has taken me a long while to get to the point where I am now at. I am not 100% healed but I am doing fairly well. It took me so long b/c I refused to give him up. I tried to stay friends with him and that was the mistake. I too thought about what everyone else would think if we all of a sudden stopped hanging all over one another, that would send up a red flag. Maybe my friends noticed at first but most people don't really care and they get on with their own lives. They are really not worried about yours.


I also have ALOT of overlap so there are daily triggers. Those I can't help. It is what it is....but I have been proactive and removed myself from most situations that I can.


My xMM also used to send me messages through people just to say "hi" and truthfully I did the same at times as well. That was all a very bad cycle that I just had to get out of. The only way to do that is to just stop.


I know how difficult an ending is especially with someone that really was a real friend in your real

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2009
Thu, 12-31-2009 - 12:51am

Iddy- You will be even MORE impressed to know I had another get together with some gals tonight, and I am exploding with confidence right now. I don't know if this is part of the grief cycle...and I'll hit an extreme low again? But what I do know is: Me and my gals, went for drinks at a local trendy place...I got hit on everywhere I turned, told how amazing I look (6 weeks post baby) by everyone I saw, and was reminded of WHO I USED TO BE, just by virtue of hangin with my girls again (something I haven't done really at all since starting my A). I just feel like I got a piece of ME back tonight....


Also, my H (who is also friends with my xap) contacted my xap tonight to see if he wanted to come over for a guys "sports" night on saturday... Luckily, Xap is out of town with his family so cant' make it (could possibly be an avoidance excuse on his part) At any rate.... hearing my H tell me about all this, knowing he's gone away for New years eve, etc.........ALL didn't bother me. Weird. It actually made me feel at peace, almost... I can't explain it. I hope this isn't some weird part of the process that's gonna bite me in the rear end later. All I know is RIGHT NOW, I feel good. The best I've felt in weeks. That's what matters.


So-sad- Don't feel embarrassed to still be on here. I didnt' mean to poke by saying that... What I meant was, it was discouraging that you were still in the healing phase a year later... BUT then I remembered, you only REALLY did NC around thanksgiving, right? That was just a few weeks ago! So really, you're as new at this as I am.... no need to feel down on yourself on that! We are both literally JUST starting this journey to recovery.... long road ahead, and no room for feelin bad about yourself! I thank you, again, for your advice on LC. I will unfortuantely always be an LC situation. Full NC is pretty much impossible with our connectinos.... but I'll do what I can. I am goign to start a new thread regarding being friends with each other's spouses... because I also foresee that becoming a huge issue.... Have a look for that! How are you doing?


HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU GALS!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Thu, 12-31-2009 - 11:35am

This is my first time actually responding to a message board post.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2009
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 12:47pm

Couldntsayno- I just realized I haven't replied to your post...how aweful, considering it was your FIRST post and hopefully not your last.....


I'm glad you were able to identify with me. I'm finding that alot of women on this board are going thru the exact same things and feelings...its so very comforting. Its also quite amazing to see how similiar the patterns are! Its like they are written out ahead of time....then we just walk down the line and check the stupid mistakes off as we go!


We ALL tried friends I think.... multiple times. Its just becoming evident to me now, how impossible that is. Especially now that I'm a week NC and STARTING to feel better....


So exactly how many days NC are you now? I noticed your post said he was returning to work today..how is it goign? Are you still NC? Or I guess I shud say LC?


Stick around here....this place is a godsend right now, for me. I don't think I'd be where I am right now without it!


Post your entire story on the introductions thread... we'd all love to read and comment!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 5:31pm
Thank you for your response!

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