Its like OM or OW just goes on...
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| Thu, 10-21-2004 - 9:10am |
It's something how you go through stages after ending an affair. When it ended and maybe it really didn't because we will contact the other once in awhile but haven't seen the other in 7 months. It's more like yelliing then maybe a nice I love you then back to how can you hurt me type thing. Anyway, in the beginning I missed him, then I stopped missing him but I missed the feeling of what it was like to be with him, then I would convince myself he was no good, he had all these bad traits he was not good for me. Then, I would say he was ok adn I did love him but we won't be together I am making it work with my H but then I would say it was not real love and say it was just "fantasy". I guess it's my way of dealing with the fact that I had an A when I never thought I woud, my way of taking the guilt away that I feel for hurting my H and our families and just answering the whys?? Tons of whys. Does anyone do the same thing? What stage is the final one?
I read so much about this topic and I just read something this morning about realizing you have to make yourself happy you can't depend on them and maybe that is why we stay with them. I thought about this and I think it was in reverse for him. I was M, he was single. I think when he was with me, he needed me. he even said I was his drug that I made him feel this, I made him feel that, I took his stress away, I made it all worth it, I made him be or feel he could be himself, I made hi smile, etc, etc, etc. It was like i was there for him rather then him wanting to be there for me or sharing his experiences rather then me just being there. When he lived near me, he worked a lot and saw me, hung out with friends a little and not too mnay hobbies. Now, he lives somewhere else and he has tons more frineds, he goes out all the time, he has hobbies, does hting in the week, etc,etc and at the same time he got all this in his life was when he would say it was over, then he would come back but the break ups or time apart were longer and he was ok when we didnt talk. He is ok now. Its like he didnt need me anymore. How do you get over that.
MY REAL REASON..I wrote this is because how do you deal with this? His life didn't change. He didn't have to move out of his home because of a divorce of finding out about an A, he didn't disappoint his family, his friends, he didn't get a bad reputation, or ruin what eh had, he wasn't out anything. he doesn't have me, thats the oly thing that changed. I knwo that. I kow that being single, you dont lose what being M can like the home, shared cars, mutual funds, and all that fun stuff. He didn't have to go through what i did and again I know that I knew that when I got inot it BUT it HURTS SO MUCH knowing that I dont think he cares. I did get a D and now I am with my H again making it work, we got back together and probably will re-marry an di lost my first home, everything and he didnt care. he never asked, he wasn't there for me when eh was the one getting so upset when it wasnt done yet. Now, he has everything, a better home, better city, better frineds. It was like it never happened. he says he hurst but I just don't see it. He seems happy. he just says ok its done we cant talk oh well, where I am one to belive you fight for what you think is right and this is a guy who claimed he wanted to marry me. We looked at rings even after my D from my H. He just goes on and I know that is how it has to be but yet he will still tell me he loves me, misses me, thinks I am the one but yet he knows I cant be with him but I just need t understand or deal with the fact that its no big deal to him.
How do you accept that maybe he did just need you that it wasnt real, I always felt something was not right that he really didnt love me like felt for him, he bever put me first. I think it was becasue he needed me but now he replaced that and how do I get over that, accept it when I put so much on the line to be with him. How do I accept that he just goes on liek nothing happened and i am still picking up the pieces, I know I did it, I chgose this when it all began but it sucks to know that I am remonded of it everyday, I did put him forst, I left my H, I was with him becasue I wanted to be but yet I dont belive it was the same for him. Its like it isn't fair.
How do you accept all that? How do you deal with that?? How do you deal with the fact that eh will find another and have all that new excitment and you do forget about your past when you replace it but I never will replace it becasue I love my H but I wont have that initial ecxitment again with him so I feel I will always hold onto my OM so its like i even have that to sdeal with for the rest of my life and he gets to move on and be better then ever. I DONT KNOW HOW TO DEAL AND ACCEPT THIS. HOW DO I MAKE SENSE OF IT??
