It's over - devastated.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2010
It's over - devastated.....
14
Fri, 02-18-2011 - 10:13pm

I'm back. It is so overwhelming right now. We ended for good 2 hours ago. Not simply a fight (like the last 2 times), but because he admitted he cannot leave his DS's or be the cause of destroying two families, and to me there is absolutely no point in continuing in the A unless the end result was for us to be together. 10 months of my life wasted, the lies told to our families, to ourselves. The promises of us ending our M's and starting a life together - gone. There was no argument, no harsh words, just honesty.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Sat, 02-19-2011 - 12:19am
Dear Non, The pain in your post is heartbreaking to read. I'm so sorry you are hurting so much. The pain will get better, I promise, and we will be here with you every step of the way. I will write more as soon as I have a moment, and in the meantime I just wanted to give you a huge hug and to say welcome. These boards can be quiet over the weekend but you have come to the right place and the wonderful people here will offer you their strength with open arms.

Smiles and hope

Kat.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Sat, 02-19-2011 - 4:07am
Big hug from me too. I don't have a lot of strength right now to share but I wanted you to know you are not alone and this is definitely the right choice. Unless that man can be 100% yours, then he is not meant to be yours at all. Cherish your worth and give it to the man who can fully honor it!
Iggyx
You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Sat, 02-19-2011 - 6:45am

NON,

Even with all of the red flags flapping in your face, (I was also told early on that Xmm would not break up his family), we still deluded ourselves into believing we could win their heart. This self deception is all on us and we eventually end up paying dearly for it.

I am sorry you are in such pain, but you can and will get get past this. For now you need to grieve your ending, read here as often as you can, spend plenty of time in our Healing Library, and post as much as

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Sat, 02-19-2011 - 7:11am

Non,

I'm so sorry for all the hurt you are feeling right now. Go ahead and cry. Grieve your loss. We are here for you. Please use this board as a lifeline. Posting helps relieve the pain and anxiety. Have faith that this is going to get better. I promise it will.

Please be gentle with yourself over the next few days and know that we are here with you.

<3

~alwayst2

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2007
Sat, 02-19-2011 - 10:10am
One day you will look back at this and thank your lucky stars that you don't have to live with the guilt of being a part of destroying two families. One day you will also realize that there are other ppl in X-MM life who are fighting for him to stay. People who have known him and been with him a lot longer than 10 months and have known him in RL. People who have seen the good, bad and ugly in him. You looked to xMM to rescue you from your RL but you will realize that no one can save youm

He will contact you again when he misses the fantasy you two created and he needs an escape from his RL. What will you do when he contacts? Will you continue to be his secret gal on the side when he has already told you he is not leaving his family and you must continue to stay hidden in the secret department of his life. If you are ready to leave your M, do it without running to a man who has already shown you that he is a cheater who uses women to get what he wants.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2009
Sat, 02-19-2011 - 2:04pm

Welcome to endings, NON, and hugs to you. We all have been where you are now, in devastating pain and thinking that life is over. I remember days spent sobbing until I'd puke. Or staying in bed curled up in a ball and not wanting to face another day of pain and struggle.

**Bloodied but unbowed**
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2010
Sat, 02-19-2011 - 6:20pm

Dear NON,

So sorry you are hurting but glad you have found EAS.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2010
Sat, 02-19-2011 - 7:23pm

Thank you all for your support and great wisdom. EAS is my life line.

I wish I could say the tears have stopped but they haven't. To make matters worse, H knows there is something terribly wrong and is doing whatever he can to ease my pain. I am the foundation of our family and to see me crumble threatens the very existence of their world. I just want to be left alone. For a while anyway.

Saturday night H and I usually enjoy a glass of wine together. Won't be tempting fate with that tonight.

Xap will not contact me. And quite frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if there was another OW. But it doesn't matter. He is as damaged as I am. I need to garner strength so i do not break NC.

Tomorrow is a new day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Sat, 02-19-2011 - 10:10pm
Oh Non, I know how hard it can be to hold it together in front of your family. I cried so many tears in the shower where no one would see me, but even so my husband would know that something was wrong which made me feel even worse.

You are doing so well and, as you say, tomorrow is a new day and one day closer to a stronger, healthier you. NC is the greatest gift you could ever give yourself and your family and you will get through it. I know you will.:)

Smiles and sunshine

Kat
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Sun, 02-20-2011 - 1:02am
PS Have you blocked him Non? You have tried to end this A before. What are you doing differently this time? If you are really serious about reclaiming your life and your integrity and your self-esteem you have to BLOCK AND WALK. It doesn't matter if you think he won't contact you, you need to take control so that this is truly your decision. Spoken by someone who has slipped and fallen many times before.

With much care

Kat

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