It's Over For Good Today

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2003
It's Over For Good Today
5
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 1:43am
I vented my frustrations on the My Affair board, but re-read it later and realized that I am selling myself way too short and depriving myself of true love and comittment. It's been just over a year and it has been quite a rollercoaster. I'm happy to say today that it is over. I don't feel like I need to tell him. I know he'll call, but I will avoid the calls and when I do answer and he's on the other end of the line I will tell him that it's over. This affair no longer works for me and I finally see it for what it really is. He is not a good man. I was blinded by physical attraction and sensation, but not anymore. I kept him in my life because there was no one else, but the truth is, there can't be anyone else as long as I hold on to him. He's not worth that.

I can't believe he had the nerve to tell me that it's okay for me to date, but just don't have sex! What a double standard....

There was a song I heard recently..."I know it sounds trite, but I've seen the light!"

I am going to need this board a lot over the next few weeks.

And, I'm definately going to get involved in Yoga! :)

Avatar for mikkolover
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 5:31am
you sound so strong. I want to be where you are. I will go back to my wiccan roots and start looking after me a bit more. I need to heal. And i hope that we can help eachother. Good strength to you, blessed be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2003
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 10:12pm
Well, my post may have made me sound strong, but I have weak times. Today is day two and I've thought about him quite a bit throughout the day. All in all, it was a positive day. I feel free, more confident, and like I'm finally gaining control of my life again. I had some strange rationalizing thoughts today like..."oh, I could keep doing this until I meet someone special" (truth = how can I if he's all I think about) and "well, maybe I could stick with it and we'll grow closer and he'll leave" (truth = YA Right! They don't leave..period. and if he did, I could never trust him!).

Ups and downs, ups and downs.

He's out of town right now on business. I know he'll call soon. Not sure if he will while he's away or not. I haven't prepared myself for the call. I would just ignore it, but my caller id doesn't work right now.

Here's what I will say to him when he calls.

It's been great getting to know you and we've had a lot of fun, but I don't want to do this anymore. I hope you find what you're looking for and wish you all the best in love and luck. I'm not going to call you anymore and I'd like it if you didn't try to contact me. Goodbye.

I will be true to my self.

We can all get through this. It is going to take tremendous character and strength, but we can do it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 9:21am
Yea for you!!!! Yea! for putting an end to the A because it wasn't working for YOU and yea for getting involved in yoga!!!! I do yoga every other day and it's helped me through some of the worst times in recent years. I can't explain why, just that it works! You post is right-on, girl. You can't get involved in a loving and caring relationship as long as you're holding on to him. And we all deserve to be with someone who loves and cares for us, and doesn't randomly create double standards.

I'm only on DAY 11 of NC, but I feel pretty good. I'm still happy about my decision to end the A and focus on myself. Of course you're going to have moments of emptiness and sadness, ending the A is a loss. You need to grieve it like you would any other loss. But remember, feeling sad and lonely is just a feeling and it will pass. You dont need to act on those feelings. Try to hold on to all the reasons you ended the A to get you through those moments of weakness when you want to act on your feelings.

We can do this, girlfriend! Hang in there! Love, hugs and CONGRATS! comin' at ya from New Jersey!

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 10:03am
I applaud your efforts. Here's a thought: don't ever talk to him again. He should not receive the blessing of having you acknowledge that your time with him meant something. IT will make him feel better about himself, and ya don't want that. Be strong, stay out of the mud.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2003
Sat, 03-13-2004 - 4:03pm
Thanks for the support ladies!!!

I have to admit, I was weak the other day and left him a message. Just said to slap a 20 on Yo 11 on the craps table for me. He hasn't called of course, which makes it easier for me since I regretted the message as soon as I hung up.

4 days NC and counting!

I'm working on being strong because I know I don't need that crap in my life!!!!

Thanks for the support.