It's over
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| Wed, 01-20-2010 - 5:18am |
So I've been in an affair for over a year. High school girlfriend, hadn't seen her in over 20 years. She left for another married him eventually. I always wanted to contact her over the years, was scared of rejection. One day I just had to do it. Found her and emailed. We sent emails for a while and then met up at a neutral city. BOOM, life changed for good. More emails, huge intensity, hours of phone calls. 'We can't be doing this its all wrong'. 'Can't stop'. Endless letters 5-10 pages each. More meetings, SC, strange, wonderful, amazing. Marriage? Divorce? What about our children, what about our spouses? Agony months and months of agony. Panic attacks and depression - therapy and anti-depressants. I couldn't leave, focus on kids was the only way I could pull myself back to any sense of reality. The only thing I knew I could do that was in anyway right. She was my dream, the only woman I ever wanted. I told her, she was angry, hurt disapointed. She felt used and taken advantage of. She wasn't, we both played our part. We've spent months pulling away after that. Now reached a sort of place of quiet with each other. We won't talk again there will be no electronic communication but there will be old fashioned letters on special occasions. I'm anticipating a flood of grief. At the moment I'm numb, It'll come. I do love her I always will, I have dreamt about her for many years. I don't even know if I was wrong. I wont start another relationship with her unless I'm prepared to go all the way. It may never happen. I wont forget or stop loving her.
So that's the testimony of a MM, XAP, cake-eater! I'm not sure men are welcome on this board. I've found EAS helpful throughout all this. We had to find our own way to

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JAM,
Nice to meet you.
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