It's over...(unique title I know)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2004
It's over...(unique title I know)
3
Fri, 04-29-2005 - 8:32am

I am a newbie here, I have posted a little on the MAS board. Brief (or not so brief, sorry) history, my mm and I have been together for 2 years. There was a few months in the middle where we stopped things because my h found out and things were really strange between mm and I. We eventually found each other again. I am very much in love with mm and I truly do think he loves me. My h is moving out this summer. MM says that we belong together and he wants us to be together but he can't seem to find his way out of his m. It is not rocket science. He has been more bold lately, hugging and kissing me in public and when I mentioned that it was daylight and he better stop he said that he didn't care who saw because he wanted everyone to know that he loves and wants to be with me. He has mentioned before that he wished his wife would find out so that he could get out of his m easily. I think that is the cowardly way out. When my H found out about our A last year, he did call mm's w and tell her and she didn't believe him, so I guess short of catching us actually doing the deed, she is not going to believe anything.....

I have tried to end things several times but I always end up returning his calls or emails. I am just not strong enough to walk away. Well, last night I left him a vm telling him that I wasn't strong enough to walk away and I needed him to do it. I told him I knew he could walk away and not look back. He is just that kind of person. I said until he can call me and tell me that he is ready to do anything for us to be together not to call. I have to admit, I was hoping to get to work and have a vm or email saying that he is ready.....but nothing. Every morning, he usually emails me or calls and says, "good morning beautiful." Even when I try to end things he still emails or calls in the morning.....nothing this morning. I know somewhere in my head that this is the best thing but my heart sure hurts. I cried all night, even in my sleep. Thanks for reading and any advice would be appreciated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 04-29-2005 - 12:00pm

Welcome. And by the way, you're not stupid......


In your post you mention your husband is moving out this summer. I presume one of the two of you will be shortly filing divorce papers and re-entering single life. A step forward in resolution of that dilemma.


You mentioned you "have tried to end things several times but I always end up returning his calls or emails. I am just not strong enough to walk away. "


I believe that you have continued to CHOOSE to re-open communication rather than keep YOUR door closed. Why? Why do you want to be a part-time piece on the side lying to be with a man? Only you know the answer to that question. Answer it. You are worth more than lies and deceit aren't you? I think so.


It's not that you need xMM to "walk away". YOU need to walk away. Rather, RUN. You're already ending a bad marriage. Now end the bad affair. xMM knows exactly what it takes to end his marriage to move into the life he professes he wants to have with you. yet he still goes home every night and sleeps with his wife. Hello? What's wrong with this picture? Somebody who doesn't care what the world thinks when he's kissing you doesn't go home to wife at night. He goes home with you. Period. No excuses.


You have the right to have a man 100% of the time, not just when he can lie his way out of the house.


Don't sell yourself short or settle for anything less.


You're worth it.........


cl-nre

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 04-29-2005 - 3:51pm
If your marriage is truly over, and you're fine with that- I'd suggest you be single with other single men (or divorced/separated men). Do you really think this 'romance' will survive, being that it started out as infidelity? Something with a dishonest foundation is bound for disaster in my opinion. The fact that his wife doesn't believe it, and yet there he is wanting to kiss you in public, hoping she'll find out- makes him look bad. He SHOULD care that his wife is at home and he's publicly kissing another woman. If he really wants out of that marriage, he needs to talk to his wife in a kind and loving way not just hope she'll figure it out like he's some gorilla without the use of language! I'm sorry. This just burns me up. I think he's all caught up in the "love" of you, as you seem to be too. And the truth is, there are two marriages at stake. One is ending, and his is still in place. His wife may find out and still not want to leave. Who knows. There are women who know, and don't choose to end things right away. Your best bet is to end this relationship and start living your life by including people who can be honest and who you can be honest with. There isn't one bit of flowery fairy tale left when things start out this way in my opinion.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Sat, 04-30-2005 - 11:02pm
"There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. " ~Anais Nin~