It's the right thing

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2012
It's the right thing
Mon, 02-04-2013 - 12:22pm

So, xap has found a few ways to contact me.  I have not replied.  I'm trying so hard to do the right thing and he just keeps showing up.

I know this is for the best.  There is too much anger and hurt in our history to ever make this right.  I have to ignore it and keep moving on.

His words today brought me to tears.  I do miss him, but not enough to go back.  It's still a game with him and I know he'll say almost anything to get a response from me.  And then he wins.  I can't do it.  Please, someone tell me that I'm doing the right thing.  Thirteen years is a very long time to just walk away.  It's been a really difficult couple of days. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2013
Mon, 02-04-2013 - 2:37pm

Yay! Third login try's a charm!  I am new here, but since things have been slow and frustrating, I thought I would reply. Yes, you did the right thing! Be strong.  I know it is hard.  I have had a "blue" day today too. I don't know your story, but 13 years in an affair is a loooooong time. You seem to want peace now. If you contact him, it will only open everything up.

Be strong.  It will pass.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2011
Mon, 02-04-2013 - 3:10pm
Yeah, i tried to reply to you earlier but it wouldn't go through. Your xAP is playing with you, it *is* a game to him. You know that when you reflect on how he has treated you. You can do this girlie! I promise.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2012
Mon, 02-04-2013 - 6:01pm
You absolutely stay the course Blonde! You can and you will..... This is about him trying to regain control, nothing else. He will use every trick in the book to get that control back. You focus on you, building up your confidence and self esteem. You are not dependent on this man for a single thing. You CAN do this. Stay strong! (((hugs))) Sunny soon Xxx
Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
Mon, 02-04-2013 - 7:09pm

Man, he is persistent. It helps to stay the course when we are no longer flattered by their fishing expeditions....because we come to realize it has nothing to do with us,'s all about them and what THEY want.  It's a game...a challenge to see if he can break you down...get you cave.  It's simply disrespectful and shows a total disregard for what YOU need.

And if you did cave, it'd be back to be treated like crap.  This guys a stalker, imo.

Stay the course.



Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2007
Tue, 02-05-2013 - 8:04am

Blondehigh, thirteen years of what? Hiding out. Waiting for him to choose you. Thirteen years is too long to be anyone's side dish. It's too long to wait on the sidelines and stay hidden so no one finds out that you are his secret lover or that he is yours. Thirteen years is entirely too long to stay in a "relationship" where you are so limited in each other's lives.