It's SO hard:(
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|Wed, 10-31-2012 - 2:25pm|
Prayers and thoughts to those on the boards affected by the storms on the East Coast! I miss hearing from you-hopefully things will get better soon:)
So...I'm a fellow poster but have been off boards lately to do some healing of which I'm feeling like I've made absoulutely NO progress. Wish I could say I'm better along than I was a few months ago after the A ended, but I'm still tender and very vulnerable. My short story is that my A ended with NC on his part. He got a new cell phone and number but did not give it to me. XAP told me he had to change his phone because he was going on the family cell plan.
Here's the part that really stinks....he's fished since then. 3 times to be exact. He has popped by my work and my home. It has caught me off guard because at the time(s), I wasn't really ready for things to end.
Now that some dust has settled...I'm realizing I really want to contact him to say what I need to say about ending things. I want things to be over not because I've really 100 percent gotten over him, but that I DO NOT want to go through this horrible pain ever ever again.
For those of y'all who've had closure, I'm very envious of that. I want so badly to have been the one to cut off all contact. I wanted to block numbers, block emails, etc. Instead, he's gotten to do that with me. I feel so rejected. It's the worst feeling in the world to know that he's cut off all contact with me yet he still gets to fish on his terms. His fishing attempts have not been to start things up again but rather, to just say hi. I'm so conflicted. I just want the chance to say to him that I can't have him fishing anymore. It's breaking my heart for him to come by even under the guise of saying hello. I can' t go through that anymore. But, and here's the but......my hands are tied. I have no way of contacting him except through his work email which would be detrimental to contact him that way OR to meet him when he leaves/comes to work at his workplace. There's really no good way. So far, I've just done nothing and felt so horrible day in and day out. Pretty much I feel like he's gotten away with just arrogantly brushing me off like a piece of lint, and can go about his life day in and day out without a care in the world.
Any of y'all out there who have gone through a similar situation and are in a good place regarding it? I desperately want to hear from those who DID NOT initiate NC and are doing Ok. Thank you so much:)