It's still so hard...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
It's still so hard...
2
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 8:52pm
Some of you know my story. I am married, but my A was single. He broke things off the beginning of August - said he didn't understand how I could be in love with 2 men at the same time - said he realized that "we" would never work out - said if I cheated on my H then why wouldn't I cheat on him. We've "on again off again", tried to be friends since then. A few weeks ago he called me at midnite and wanted to "hook up". I was devestated at the thought that after our short but intense time together, I had suddenly become a "booty call". This from a man (well, not really - who's really a man at 24??) who had never fallen in love before...until he met me. I couldn't believe he could turn his emotions off so easy and suddenly just want sex (even though the sex was amazing).

Anyway, I try to be strong and avoid contact. It seems that when I do that for any length of time though, he ends up contacting me. Then I start contacting him, more frequently of course, and feel like crap when he doesn't respond. I again have decided to go the no contact route. It's only been since since Thursday that we haven't spoken, and it kills me to not pick up the phone to call him.

Everytime something great happens in my day - I think about him. Everytime something bad happens in my day - I think about him. Everything around me reminds me of him. I know someday it will be easier - but what do I do until that day comes? Sometimes, I just want to breakdown and cry...sometimes I do...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2004
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 9:35pm
hi Diva--

This is such a difficult time -- I'm with you -- only a couple weeks for me so far of NC :-)

Remember that what we feel in these As is not real -- we are addicted to the rush we get from the relationship. It feels new and different and the contrast between this guy (who we only see for an hour or two) and our H (who we see at his best and his worst) is great. Your H has given his life to you and you both deserve better.

No contact is the only way to get him out of your system. The first week of no contact is awful, but I think it gets better. We will all have moments, I guess, when we want to feel badly about the whole thing and we miss him desperately. But dump those thoughts and think of the relationship that you need to really be paying attention to!

Instead of dwelling on feeling sorry for yourself, turn your thoughts to supporting yourself and your self image. You are not a weakling -- you are a valued and smart woman. You have the ability to break the cycle of this destructive relationship.

Hang in there -- we are here for you!

Please try to find some peace during the rest of the weekend!

free since 9-04

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 10:18pm
Diva

It is not going to get any better until you start to enforce no contact with this boy because every contact only sets you back to square one over and over again.

You have to expect him to resist letting you off the hook, sorry hon but when a guys 24 booty calls is what women are all about the emotional stuff was for your benefit to keep you comeing back plain and simple.

Don't read more into his motivations then is there SEX SEX SEX, he's 24.

ENFORCE TOTAL NO CONTACT if you want things to start to get better, address the issues that allowed you to cheat on your husband, this is the only way to have a happier future.

Free