I've been very bad...Living up to my name once again

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2010
I've been very bad...Living up to my name once again
17
Tue, 11-16-2010 - 2:53pm

I guess this is going to sound like a rehash of other posts, but I need help!!

I broke NC about 3 1/2 weeks ago. I simply COULD NOT

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009

Feelinlousy-

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010

welcome BACK! :)

There's ONE thing that just jumps out of your post to me.

THE CYCLE.

I know that feeling of engaging, pulling out, re-engaging...

the SHAME you feel about being involved in the cycle is PALPABLE. Big time.

I recall having a friend I'd purge / confess to, everytime I didnt follow through with what I'd promised myself...AGAIN.

It was almost like the friend

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010

Feelin....

Consider it done. Welcome back.

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
VISUALIZATIONS ARE HUGE! WITH ME! Thanks for posting this! Always :)
Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2010

Thank you Heartache- Yes, you are 100% right. He DOES suck the life out of me, and also stealing life from my innocent children and our family time together. Of course this is as much my fault as his!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2010
Thank you Always!! I will try to hit my mark this time!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010

LOLOLOLOLOLOL! roflmao -

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2010

HAHAHAH Michelle too funny!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010

and Feelin....

Back to you! :)

I havent had addiction either (well..except...for this..and sugar...and shopping...and THIS CHAIR... < --- remember that scene in the jerk...when steve martin's taking everything out of his mansion saying.."i dont need ANYTHING". eXCEPT...hahaha)

But you expressed the cycle pretty well...the behavior, the regret, the loathing, the confessing, then the behavior...wash, rinse, repeat...

the KEY to breaking a habit is REPLACING it

so all the ways you feel connected - just have to be REPLACED with OTHER connections. Only THIS TIME - to something HEALTHY.

Probably RIGHT NOW in your a FOG ...and ROMANTIC IDEALIZING....(pedestal) of course you're going to see more good than bad in him. But the ONE resounding BAD. PERIOD! is.....that HE would engage in an affair. *and US too* that's OUR bad.

So regardless of all the positive 'feel goods' we attach to the destructive / toxic behavior....it's just what keeps reinforces our addiction.

Pulling out of that ....GIVING OURSELVES THE SPACE of NC - is our FIRST STEP into STOPPING the NEW hurts. I think I missed my xap LESS (especially in the beginning) by telling myself all the RIGHT things about him and the affair - that didnt have me wallowing in my feelings. Which would have just kept me more stuck earlier on when I needed most - some CLARITY AND SPACE if nothing else just to breath.

THERE is SO MUCH INFORMATION not only here, in the healing library - other threads, responses and replies - but all OVER the internet regarding ENDING THESE DYSFUNCTIONAL relationships. I think it just boils down to committment to it being an ENDING.

This doesnt happen over night - but I think it might be helpful for you to ask yourself - 1) How COMMITTED are you to this REALLY being OVER?

and

2) WHY?

We're here for you!! In the trenches! We've been waiting for you!!!

xo,

Michelle

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010

let's CREATE one!

ugly.jpg

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010

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