I've done it

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2010
I've done it
8
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 6:04am

I have ended it.

Almost 4 years. I have emailed him and told him it's over. And asked him not to contact me again.

I'm an all or nothing girl; ignoring his emails was never going to work for me.

Feeling a mixture of fear/ trepidation/ terror/ jubilation.

Will check in tomorrow when I don't have to type quietly...I am in New Zealand and it's just after midnight...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 6:39am

(((Misslulu)))

Bravo.

You will indeed feel a mixture of emotions over the next few weeks. The first few days you will feel incredibly empowered, but then some doubt may creep in. When you are feeling low or weak or confused, come here. There are so many wonderful women (and a few men) here who can provide you great insight as to what you are going through.

We've all BTDT, so we are all familiar with the pain and struggles. It helped me in the beginning to read and post A LOT. This is the place to just pour it all out. Be honest. You will be held accountable here, but that isn't that what we're really asking for? Isn't that why we came here??

Wishing you much strength and comfort,

~alwayst2

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 8:29am

Lulu :)

I am SO proud of you. Your mixed feelings are to be expected. Now take it one moment at a time and stay close to EAS. We're all here for you! You can also PM me any time.

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 9:07am

Bravo, ML. I know how hard it was to do the deed, but hoping it will just take care of itself goes with the wishful thinking that got us in this mess in the first place. No boundaries were ever set and we just played it by ear. You can see how detrimental that turned out for all of us.

Your mixture of feelings is par for the course. One day you will wake up feeling empowered, and the next you may not even want to get out of bed. Prepare yourself for extreme emotional fluctuations, On bad days, come here and post. Let us help get you through them. Of course we will want to hear bout the good days too, but when you have one of those, you should be enjoying it to the fullest....which means getting out there and living!

How's the weather in NZ? We are having all kinds of stuff happening here in the states from severe winds/snow the East (called a Nor-Eastern), to snow and mudslides in the West.

Glad to hear you are an "all or nothing" girl. This means you are going to be one of our success stories! ;)

((Hugs))

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2010
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 9:24am

yeah ML!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2010
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 1:58pm

Thanks everyone...I woke up this morning feeling rather indifferent about the whole thing. Last night while I was at work I lurked about in the Healing Library and then emailed myself a list of all the ghastly things he did over the years that I explained away or minimised to myself, and when I got home I read it, then emailed him to say it was over.

I was direct, to the point, polite, and firm. I told him not to contact me again. I don't believe he will. I know his style and also, frankly, I don't believe he'll fall to pieces over any of it...I truly believe he'll shrug and move on. The only part of him that will hurt will be his ego and the fact that I've inconvenienced him by not being available to help him with his university study. Free proofreader, anyone? Ha! No more.

Anyway, I plan on sticking around and thanks for the offers of support which I will absolutely take.

Weather in NZ is HOT! We are entering summer here...warm balmy nights and gusty windy days. Christmas Day dinner in NZ is traditionally a barbeque in the back yard :-) Lots of fun.

Thanks again everyone...you have been such a source of inspiration and strength for me.

LL

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2010
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 2:07pm

LuLu,

I am so very proud of you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2010
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 2:24pm

Oh thank you so much....this kindness that everyone is showing has brought tears to my eyes. It highlights for me the contrast between my relationship with him and the kindness of strangers...the offers of support from you all in this short time I have been on here are more than I ever got from him in 4 years.

Sums it up for me, really.

Thank you all again, I can't put into words how much this is helping me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 10:49pm

Welcome Misslulu and congratulations for taking such a big step today!