Jealousy - vent (Id.... pls help)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2005
Jealousy - vent (Id.... pls help)
10
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 4:06pm

Oh this is not going to be easy.

I've let the xMM "go" but am still working with him.

Another co-worker here - who of course doesn't know anything about my A with xMM - was joking today. The co-worker was joking about how this other woman we all know is always flirting with xMM and probably wants to start something with him.

I, of course, had to bleed out all the details from this co-worker and am insane with jealousy. xMM has never done anything (that I've known of) while the A was on, but now it's over I'm not sure he wouldn't (in fact, that stats obviously say I will be replaced).

I can't imagine anything more painful then to have to watch it. I tried to look at the "good, she can have the pain" side but that's not really working. I had to get all the details and then cry. xMM hasn't even done anything that I know of and I'm upset!

I would stack up well against her but that doesn't even matter. It seems the rules for A are different. I'm also disappointed in myself for not being able to rise above this. This is petty. I guess once you know there is no trust and someone will cheat - you have to assume it's a free-for-all.

I want to see the BIG picture but the small picture is so painful.

How do you women deal with seeing them go on to the next one? Id, has your xMM flirted or started anything with anyone else... and would you be able to deal with it?

WIP

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 4:26pm

WIP,

I'm off to a doctor's appointment, but I do have a comment I'd like to make to this. I will try to remember to answer this later on, but I am also trying to vacate these boards as well, (time to let all of this stuff go). I also know you are hurting, so I promise to muster up a response, for old times sake, later on tonight ;)

**ID**

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2005
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 4:51pm
Hi, I know exactly where you are coming from. The jealousy thing is tearing me up. This is the weekend for the big campout. I have talked to XOM a couple of times lately, he called me. Mostly we just have small talk, nothing serious, but he told me we need to hang onto our friendship. I told him I didn't know if that would be possible. He says this is hard for him too. How could this be hard for him? His divorce will be final next week and he has a new live-in girlfriend. She is going through a divorce too and they raised her rent and she cant't afford it (poor baby). So of course my XOM comes to the rescue and lets her move in. How perfect!!! Yes I am jealous. Now I get to spend the weekend watching them play house. Petty? You bet! I just found out the other day (from another friend) that she doesn't want to do this camping thing either, seems she doesn't want to be around me (his good friend) any more than I want to be aound her. This should be interesting. It's a good thing there will be other people aound too.
So, I am disappointed in myself too, I am too old to be acting like a jealous teenager. I need to concentrate on my husband who is being very good to me instead of thinking of XOM 24/7. Help me get through this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2005
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 5:23pm

depressed,

Oh, I knew that weekend was coming up for you. I really wish you didn't have to go. I'm sure if outsiders read our posts they would not understand how painful this can be. I feel like I have a lose-lose situation as I'm sure you do too. I will be thinking of you... please post next week and let me know how it goes.

After all the antics from today, I see my H this afternoon and think how unfair this is to him. I'm sitting here moaning over xMM to myself on the brink of tears and here H is "perfect" (not really, but a perfect H) - and yet I'm still not satisfied!

I think how selfish can I be!!! I've told H, my mom, and some friends that I am depressed and they all look at me concerned - but they really don't understand what is causing it (of course)... and when I think about the reality of why I'm so upset - I just think errrr, I'm so selfish!! How did I get to this point where I think the whole world revolves around me, that all should stop while I have 2 men, wallow in my problems, and get jealous while my xMM is flirting. This is insanity. I am too old for this too and it's too shallow.

I have an appt with a T next week and I'm looking forward to having someone help set me straight.

depressed, good luck to you this weekend. I know it won't be easy. WIP

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 5:30pm

Aw, WIP, I'm right there with you. I've been posting all week about this sanity, but on the very off chance that you've been living under a rock and somehow missed my crazy story, the XMM contacted me to talk about his current problems deciding between his new OW and his wife.

As completely insane and jerky as that was, and in a "normal" person I think just the stupidity of his actions and continued game-playing would make them thrilled not to be involved with this @ss anymore, it actually brought him right up to the forefront of my mind once again. And I'm kicking my butt all over the place because I allowed it to happen.

The BIG picture is that you're dealing with a serial cheater, obviously, and one in all reality you don't want anything to do with. The LITTLE picture, however, sometimes clouds out the big picture and I think that's along the lines of not jealousy, but the piercing, final knowledge of your A being over. You've not been "replaced" you know, because no one is truly replaceable. But you've been moved beyond, and are probably feeling inconsequential, and heck, that's not a good feeling to have no matter who's causing it.

You're in good company here, though. Love, Mo.

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 8:02pm

WIP,


It looks like you received some excellent responses from ladies that are already dealing with this aftershock of MM behavior.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 9:22pm

MO

>>"The BIG picture is that you're dealing with a serial cheater, obviously,"<<

DING DING So are you Mo.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 11:12pm

without a doubt..one of the best...posts....evah....very healing...printed...
and loads of prayers of good fortune to you because of the gratitude I feel...especially since there won't be many more from you ID

looks like you were inspired to write..JUST in the nick of time for many of us. OMG I SO NEEDED THIS POST TONIGHT! (someone upstairs finally got to my request lol)

I understand your need to go and will mourn you and I will be brave and unselfish and not beg you ;)
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::hugs for ID::::::::::::::::::::::: you are soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo the woman. Please let us know when where to buy your book, put me on the list...it would be the least I could do to buy it and support you for this post alone.
xoxo,
Lizzie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 11:35pm

ID

A book now theres an Idea, you were given a great gift of self expression linked to a compassionate heart for a reason !!!

So when can we expect the first draft ???

Be Well

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2005
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 6:16am

Id,

I'm speechless. You've explained it so well and exactly what I am feeling about it. I hope I am able to forgive myself and him sometime in the near future because it certainly isn't a good feeling now.

I will miss you terribly but do understand. You've helped me so much in the short time I've been here. And you certainly do understand the "beast." Your book will be wonderful. You have a gift for hitting the feelings on the head.

Thank you so much!

WIP

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 6:25am

(((Free))) and (((Lizzy)))


Both of you have brought me out of many dark moments. I can't thank you enough for all the wisdom you have