Job change - such a tough choice

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2011
Job change - such a tough choice
18
Tue, 05-31-2011 - 9:11am
I came to my current job about two years ago, as a promotion from a different dept. It is in line with my training and I have long coveted being here. JAM was here too. But I stress it wasn't the main reason. When I got here, I ran in to very ugly politics. It didn't help that JAM had an agenda with me and kept offering me projects which didn't go over well. Long story short all the great work I accomplished has been lost in the eyes of management since I didn't get the team work right (ie, my colleagues are terrriotorial and did not take kindly to my achievements). I am being told this is 'fixable', however its been a year and I still hear it from my boss. Meanwhile, my old position is open. They loved me, they will bring me back at a promotion so that I keep my current salary and it will be a mostly lateral move. BUT all the reasons I left are still there - long hours, slow promotions, the danger of the entire dept being outsourced. My former boss tells me I will rise in the ranks - its hard to believe bc good people have been there for years and a couple have finally moved companies in frustration due to lack of upward movement. This job will remove me from being even in LC with JAM. I will also lose some other perks. I'm so torn. What do I do, do I stay here and continue to try to 'fix' this or accept that I have nochance here and take this other position - with loss of perks and uncertainty. Do I believe my former boss. I've been thinking about this for a few months. I looked outside, but in this economy did not find anything. Please, an objective perspective would help.
Also, I had naiively asked JAM a month or so ago what he thought. He shot down each of my options, including staying put, saying I will always carry the 'stigma'. He was so unsupportive. When I said so, he turned around and said he would be 'happy to write me a rec letter'. I now know not to tell him anything. Five days NC. It feels like he hates me to be so unsupportive - he witnessed firsthand all the ugliness I went through. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Tue, 05-31-2011 - 9:56am
Sometimes when I have decision to make between two options, I write out a pro and con list. Of course, on top of your PRO for leaving your current situation is your life back :) And, you say the folks at your old job 'loved you'..that's a BIGGY!

And, if you do back to your old job, you can still keep your eyes open for another job. I also wouldn't go to JAM for that letter of recommendation...doesn't sound like you need it anyway.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2011
Tue, 05-31-2011 - 10:38am
I completely agree with Clarity. You can enjoy a place where you are appreciated and continue looking for other jobs (if needed). No need for JAM to write a recommendation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2011
Tue, 05-31-2011 - 10:47am
I'm in the same position - and I'm realizing that going back to a friendly work environment while keeping my eyes open will give me at least a good working environment - and in healing that is a huge help! No one says you have to stay at the old office, but if it will give you a better working condition while looking forward to making some changes into a new job with better promotional opportunity - why not? Sounds like a win to me. :)
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2011
Tue, 05-31-2011 - 10:52am
Thanks to you both. I should have clarified: the rec letter had been for another option I was considering, in which his rec woud have come in handy. However when I spoke to him about it, he was not supportive. I told him I didn't think it was a good idea for him to write me a letter if he truly didn't support me. He disagreed, and said the letter was supposed to express confidence in the ability of the candidate to do the job. Then he offered to write a letter in case I wanted to move companies. At that point I gave up trying to make sense of it. He spent all last year giving me these projects which was seen as preferential treatment, all to serve himself I suppose, so that I would view him as my hero. Then when it actually came to helping me, as in exploring other positions he backed out. I am so miserable with this entire state of affairs (pun intended). I wonder if I would have had better luck here if he wasn't there vying for attention. I wish I had been smarter and dissected my personal feelings for him out of the work stuff. I unwittingly made the politics dirtier by having this 'secret' that I'm sure people picked up on - I did this to myself. Now, he's been promoted, his career s safe, while I founder. Sorry, I know I am being more negative than needed, but am so frustrated. On top of it, I still have feelings for him and catch myself wishing things were different. Just really angry with myself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2006
Tue, 05-31-2011 - 1:38pm

Cando,

Hi.

I'm going to try to help you with the perspective of an employer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2011
Tue, 05-31-2011 - 9:40pm
I can't give out many details, but yes I am capabe of doing my job successfully, I do it now and my boss tells me that I am more than capable of not just meeting expectations but exceeding them. XAP is not my boss, however has a prominent role in my area. I had a previous work history with him, a previous connection. When I came here, he would reach out to me for help in various things and the team did not like it - a newcomer taking the lead. The projects I got he actually requested management for me to be assigned to them. I did them successfully. There are tiers of work - some work is high profile, some is regular departmental work. I was told that I was focusing too much on these projects and the other work was not being done. This is not true. What is truei was a lot more enthusuiastic about some of these projects - because I felt engaged. I did do the other work, much like everyone else. Except that the team mindset is/was you have to earn your stripes to do the project work. When he came in requestinng me, they couldn't exactly say no. I got things published, I won recognition awards from my stakeholders, so I know I was competent. Yet my boss felt that I did not diplay team work and 'stepped' over people. In reality one of my team members has since received a huge promotion. I kept getting negative feedback and I kept trying to bend over backwards to make amends. I talked to senior leaders outside the department to gain their view and all agreed that itwasnt my work, I had just come in too strong and eager when I joined. My boss relied on team feedback, without gatjering info on her own, was not interested in what I had to say and so I learned to not argue with her. She had already decided. She noted that I stepped in to pick up slack while a team member was ill, that I travelled while one transitioned to her promotion, and that I did the work of two people for a few months. It was still not enough to override the so called sleights I had caused the team. My publications work never made it to my review and I actually git dinged at the end of the year. I agree my approach could have been different, but I strongly believe I have received unfair treatment. Things are okay now, but I curb my enthusiasm, am on high alert so as not to 'intimidate' or step on toes and my boss STILL asks me if I have figured out what went wrong. When I tell her it was because I volunteered for extra stuff (which is what she said) she now disagrees - she says it was not because, but HOW I volunteered! She says thinking outside the box is my streenght, yet when I applied that strenght to an existing process, she said I should not do that since I am new. There are contradictions in what she says and I have not been able to have an honest conversation with her.
Regarding the A, it is my fear that people picked up on the vibes. He made it so obvious, by deliberately requesting me. The 'stigma' is that people know I got dinged by my department and so it might hamper my progression. I am afraid I will never be able to have a clean slate, even though my boss says its fixable and that I have the potential to exceed. Despite no negative feedback (I repeatedly ask her and she says she has none to give me), she still brings these things up as if they happened yesterday. Sorry if I've rambled. I hope this gives you a clearer picture.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2008
Tue, 05-31-2011 - 10:20pm

Hi Cando,

I thought the pro and con list was a good idea. I usually make one and assign points to stuff, e.g., job security and opportunity for promotions might be 10s, pleasant co-workers might be a 5, etc. That way, when I add things up, the total is weighted towards what is really important to me.

When I read your original post one part kind of stood out for me - that your old department is in danger of being outsourced. I don't know what your family situation is, but that would be a big red flag for me personally.

It also sounds as though you have more opportunity for advancement in your current position - and I would be leery of what your old boss is saying about advancement. If he/she wants your back, he/she may believe that but it may or may not actually happen.

In other words, it might be safe and comfortable (not to mention far away from exAP) to return to your old job but if I were a career coach, I would likely advise to you 1) stick it out where you are and 2) use that position as a springboard to an even better position, possibly with another company.

Years ago, I turned down a supervisory position because I didn't feel the area "fit me personally." It was a really bad career move and I have regretted it since. I know I would regret retreating from a more senior position to avoid contact with exEAP.

You also mention the old job had longer hours and more overtime and (as I recall) the current job pays better.

Remember, although emotional health is really important, our main focus in the work world is to get the best deal in exchange for our hard work. It's something men rarely forget but we women sometimes sell ourselves short by retreating when we should just go full steam ahead.

As for your boss and the way she is kind of blaming you for some kind of politically based disruption in the department, I would ask for specifics the next time she alludes to some past problem:

"Can you give me an example of what action I took that you are referring to?" If she says, "You jumped on the XYZ account and put Mr. Beenhereforever's nose out of joint," you could ask her to clarify: 'Are you saying I should not have been enthusiastic about the XYZ account, which I did land?" Basically, she can't really criticize you for doing a good job, even if your actions pissed somebody else off - and getting her to verbalize all that will likely put an end to the let's-go-down-negative-memory-lane crap.

I think you are wise not to trust exAP. Hard to know, but he may have set you up to take a fall.

Your decision may rest on whether you think your current position is salvageable. If it is really untenable, retreat may be the answer - but make sure you put what you need and deserve front and centre.

Good luck to you,

fantasied_out
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2006
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 9:59am

Cando,

Well, let's see here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2011
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 11:32am
Flyingagain,
I appreciate your response, and to your point I've spent the last 6-8 months trying to change things. Whether or not I am suuccessful, remains to be seen. I have had no negative feedback in this time. Let me ask you a question: if you get negative feedback from a couple of your staff, yet the same person has excellent feedback from other teams they've participated in, plus their former boss also has teamwork praise, would you still think of the employee as not a team player? Would you consider that there might be something wrong with the team dynamic contributed by all members and not necessariy the one person? Moreover, as a manager how do you help an employee be 'liked'? My manger has said time and again that she has received excellent feedback and knows I can function well in a team. She doesn't kow why the problem in this team. I can tell you what I can't tell her: I spent a lot of time wrapped up in the painful dynamic of the A, and so most probably appeared distant. If I could go back and change that I wouuld. I am not sure of any revelations that I can have, but ipractically speaking, I can continue to ask for feedback from members. What else do you suggest? My fear at this point is that I will get blind-sided. She has not given me any negative feedback so far. She says iit is critical I get it right. It is frustrating for me to not know until the end of the year what she thinkss bc by that time it will be too late. I don't know if she already written me off or is genuinely wanting me to succeed. There are so objective measures here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2006
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 12:27pm

Cando,

<>

That's quite a different scenario that you described before.

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