joining

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
joining
3
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 6:57am

So I have been at the MAS board since the beginning of the year - and the time has come to move on and end this....


I am a STB S woman - I ended my marriage of 20 years to be with AP who decided in the end - that leaving his W was too hard and asked if we could still be a part of each others life.


My answer was no.


I met AP 25 years ago when we were both in high school - things were hot and heavy with us and at the time - too much for me so I broke things off just as he went off to college (he's 2 years older than me) - We reconnected on FB in January and had our first face to face in May - Our spouses knew about us from the beginning - both of us have struggled in our marriages and neither wanted an inevitable D-day.


This past weekend I went NC and told him to make some real choices about himself - which he did.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
In reply to: lellibee
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 9:02am

Welcome, Lellibee.


None of us would be surprised that he chose to stay with his W, but how are you doing with ending your M? Were you ready to do this before XAP came along? Ending a M on the hope that an AP will do the same can cause huge disappointment and regrets. I hope you are in counseling, or are least considering to get some. It's going to be a very difficult time for you right now, and having someone to talk to about it will help tremendously. You will also glean much wisdom from this board, but we are not professionals by any means. ;-)


Yes, it's going to suck. The withdrawals will be painful, but you have to stop all contact if you truly want to heal from this.


Again, welcome, read the Healing Library, and post in whenever you need to.


((Hugs))

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
In reply to: lellibee
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 9:31am

Thanks Iddy,


I was in fact leaning to ending my M before AP - so that was not entirely on him.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
In reply to: lellibee
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 11:58am

((Lellibee))


<>


Oh honey, how many of us can relate to this. Once I made the decision to pull the plug, I started sleeping better immediately. Hmmm...maybe it was the Tylenol PM? lol. All I know is that the shame and guilt started lifting the day I decided it was over.


Good for you on the counselor, and yes, read books and lots of them. I have a whole shelf in my library dedicated to this subject. It got me through my first summer. I just sat outside and read my little eyes out. ;-)


Perhaps counseling will help you decide if D is what you really want, but right now working on YOU is what this ending journey should be all about. There were reasons why we all took that high dive off of

   ~Iddy~