Jumping the shark
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 06-08-2010 - 7:41pm |
So if you havent heard the term "jumping the shark" then I am showing my age. For those of you in your late 30's or early 40's you will follow me. Jumping the shark is basically another slang term for "point of no return". The term started when The Fonz tried to jump over a shark while on water skies on the Happy Days show in the early 80's. Once he did, ratings dropped and the show was never the same and then shortly after that, went off the air. So what is my point in all of this???? Well I have "jumped the shark" and Ill explain.
Im now around 90+ days LC, 40-45 days NC and I am NEVER going back. I asked XMM for NC and he has honored my wishes thus far and I think it will continue. I doubt he will fish only because I know how fragile his ego is and I know he cant take the rejection. The fog has definatley cleard for me and thanks to a REALLY great EAS support buddy (thanks Alice) I have been thinking of how low my lows were and how I put up with and turned a blind eye to so many things. I have "jumped the shark" and will no longer be the same and thats ok because the woman I am today has been strong enough to end an A as opposed to the woman I was 18mths ago who wasnt strong enough to walk away from starting one.
Xmm was honestly someone I would never date in RL. His morals were non existant and worse was his self esteem yet he could be as cocky as they come. I have remembered so many little things lately that make me realize that not only was the A fog so thick, but I was blind to his faults. Now before you jump me here, I realize that I obviously have lacked some morals myself just by engaging in an A but let me reassure you I am not just speaking in regards to the A but he had some nasty qualities that I can honestly say I am relieved to no longer have to put up with. Ive listed some of these "qualities" in other posts

GMLB,
It was good hearing from you, honey, and you sound right on track which is a good thing. ;-)
<>
You know, my desire to be with Xmm started fading while still in the A. You are right about the addiction (to those feel goods) that keep most of us hanging on longer than we should. No, you do not sound bitter. You sound realistic because this *is* what happens when we begin to see the light. Remember, we were existing in the dark center of a bubble while we lived our secret. Once that bubble pops, reality begins to take hold.
I'm glad you found yourself a cyber buddy. I had done the same and it made such a difference just knowing I had someone's hand to hold during those painful reality injections.
<>
As I wrote to IJM, it's normal for them to rent space in our heads, (a phrase that has been used on this board for years). It's all part of the ending process and not one person who has ended an A is exempt from this happening. Heck, it happens when we lose anything that was once meaningful to us. It's human nature, but with an A, there are so many unanswered questions that will never be resolved due to the fact that they were secretive to begin with, KWIM?
Yes, it will probably be one of the most difficult times in your life to get through. It's a death of sorts, but the person is still out there breathing and carrying on. An old friend you can call, but an XAP needs to remain dead in our lives. It's a very hard concept to wrap the heart around.
You are doing great, and I am very happy you posted in to let us know how you are doing.
((Hugs))
~Iddy~
GMLB,
Good Morning.
GMLB, congratulations on your shark jumping!
GMLB,
Now that you are fully embracing NC and not kind-a sorta doing it and not taking opportunities when xAP shows up at your job to engage in personal conversation, I believe it will allow you to fully focus on the ending.
I wish you 10 to the infinity power days of continuous NC with no breaks in NC.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
GMLB.....Just wanted to say I am so happy for you that
All of you women are amazing and I wouldnt be where I am today with out the assistance of all of you. Iddy and E1, you both gave me some really tough love in the begining and it was exactly what I needed. I remember E1 telling me that I was XMM's second string quarterback and that was exactly the case.
When his wife found out, it was the begining of the end and although I thought my A was different, it followed the exact same course as all of the others on here....
Xmm expresses profound love and says Im his "soul mate"
I fall hook line and sinker
W finds out and XMM has a Dday
XMM tells me he loves me but he has to be a father eventhough he doest love his W.
XMM begins to pull back yet still readily accepts sex freely.
I readily and freely give it up because Im clinging on to anything and everything and following him around like a puppy.
XMM tells me he cant make any promises to me regarding his time or his efforts
I think Im losing it all..the love of my life, my self esteem, my world is crashing down (at least I thought it was)
XMM asks to be "friends"
Now here is where I gain the control...with the help of you ladies here I was able to rip off the rose colored glasses and say NO THANKS and please do not contact me ever again!!!!!! What an amazing feeling it has been to know I do not have to worry about him contacting me. It has allowed me to get to this point.
New...thank you so much for chiming in, you have also posted and helped me numerous times and seeing that you are proud of me makes me smile and even more determined to move forward, help the newbies and never regress.
As I told another poster earlier, you can lead a horse to water but you cant make em drink. You led me, you gave me the tools that I needed but I didnt drink. Once I had more
YAH GMLB!!!!! Good to hear all this from you!!!! You sound so well right now...and all that matters is right now!!!
OK First I need to ask........ Is that REALLY why Happy Days went off the air???????? Poor Fonzie! I loved that show...how come the shark incident killed it anyway?????
OK next...on to more important things...YOU! I know we are pretty close to our time out of this mess, so I kind of gauge things by reading your posts...and honestly I think we have the same cycles... I am talking the up and down periods coincide a lot with one another. So what I am thinking is that we MUST both have the same mentrual cycle!!!! LOL, I laugh, but HOLY I know when I am PMSing...my low days are awful!!!! Even right around my ovulation time...hormones are out of whack...and twice a month I seem to be having very low points where I feel like I am taking steps backwards. This week...strong week, last week...CRAP!
My solution...I am thinking a hysterectomy!! JUST KIDDING! But really...what is menopause going to be like??? Argggggghhhhhh.
I am happy for you, happy you feel strong and seeing the light through the fog. I am happy you are seeing the A for all it is and was. Stay strong girl!!! Thanks for posting such positive things and helping those who struggle gain strength! Your wings are coming soon.... am waiting for you in tweenerville as are all the other ladies here. :)
Sunday, Monday Happy Days..Tuesday Wednesday Happy Days.....these days are ours HAPPY AND FREE...oh baby..goodbye grey skies, hello blue....
Have we possibly stumbled on an EAS theme song???? Hmmmm. Better to have a upbeat retro 80's theme song than some self loathing aching love ballad by Celene Dion. Yes, I mean the one where she sings of the undying love that she has in her heart....guess that doesnt really narrow it down does it??? Anyway...
Healing, so glad you too were a Happy Days fan and yes, once the Fonze jumped the shark, ratings tanked and it was never the same. Yet Hollywood refused to let it die so they brought us "Joanie Loves Chachi" and we all know how successful that show was. Sometime I guess they cling to the chance that something really isnt dead and try to rekindle it in hopes that another version/ attempt at the same thing
GMLB,
Loved this post. Thanks for making me laugh this morning as I contemplate whether I wash my hair before work, or just pull it back and NGAS. (not give a sh*t).
The sun is shining here today, FINALLY, so I am ready to take on the day. Hope you all have a strong, happy to be alive, Thursday!
Love and hugs,
~Iddy~
Hi GMLB-
Your posts makes me so happy and I can tell that a lot of your fog has lifted. Tweenerville is AMAZING. And I am never never never never never, did you hear me? NEVER LEAVING! Once we reach this point (jumped the shark), it's easy to know, really know, that we are never going back. I like that phrase, btw :)
Xap still rents space in my head occasionally, but guess what, 2 weekends ago, while I was at a convention, I went 3 entire days without him even crossing my mind. Holy crap! It was amazing. It startled me when I finally realized it and that is when I knew that this road to recovery, this listening to all of the advice given here, it was all worth it. Those dark days where I struggled to even get out of bed are long gone. And everyone here told me they would pass... and guess what? They do.
Time really does heal all wounds and I am glad that xap has respected your wish for NC. You can recover with LC, but I believe it adds months to the process. As soon as I left my job that put me into contact with xap, my healing has been exponential and I pray for the same for you.
Hugs,
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/