just a big ol' boo hoo party.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2011
just a big ol' boo hoo party.
8
Wed, 07-25-2012 - 5:00pm

It's not glamorous and no reservations needed - this week I feel like I've been stretched beyond limits and it's the first time I just want to have everything go back to normal.  What is normal anyway?  I've been furloughed at work for the past month (ugh) and have been interviewing for a new job because I need to work.  wouldn't you know who showed up to interview me?  Seriously wanted to throw up for the duration of the interview.  And of course I'm still fending off the guy from this past January, including a trip he made to my house.  My emotions are low - even with dating mr. new guy (who without starting a whole other convo, I'm realizing can't meet my relationship needs).....I miss having good real life friends who'll kick my arse and keep me accountable.  I miss my friendship I had with my exH.  There are times I wish for stupid things like going back 5 or 6 years or even further to fix things.....

and yes, I know my emo tanks are low.  I know that is why I'm struggling so much.  A couple of positives - during my interview xAP at least kept a professional distance and while I know I won't be getting that job - I know now it wasn't because I'm not qualified.  

I just want to run away.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2011
Wed, 07-25-2012 - 5:13pm
Hi Lol, sorry you are lollygagging' around - the interview does sound sticky! But I do love a good pity party so here I am. One friend calls it the OPM's, for Oh poor me..but in a group should I say OPU's? for us?

I don't have (recent) experience with fending off any gents, so can't help you there :smileyhappy: but I can understand wanting things to be simpler, and to ring truer with what you want. Friendship is important so maybe there is a friend relationship you can work on, give it a little infusion and connect with someone while you're sorting the rest out.

Good luck and hugs to you -

Daisy
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Wed, 07-25-2012 - 6:36pm

*putting on party hat*....((((Lolly))))...*adjusting party hat*

Sheesh...what are the odds that YKW would show up to interview you.  I wonder what he was thinking?  Maybe it was a test for you?.  Wanting to hurl is a reassuring response in my opinion...go to the head of the class. 

I'm sorry Mr. New Guy isn't working out.  Try not to let it get you down.  Dating is like playing darts.  Many dates...many darts...missed shots...but getting closer and closer to the bullseye.  You are not settling for anything less than what you want.

Hold tight to those positives because they are BIG.  

I'm sorry for everything.  I'm glad you came here instead of running away.  You've got many friends here.  We are a collective shoulder to boo hoo on.  

another (((HUG))) for good measure

Clarity

 

 


Avatar for worthmore
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2012
Wed, 07-25-2012 - 8:00pm
Argh! I just lost my [brilliant] post to you, Lolly. :smileysad:

Recap: Not an accident. He knew he was interviewing you. (My bet.) Think you didn't stumble into current hole. Were pushed.

Big hug.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Wed, 07-25-2012 - 9:55pm
I lost my post t
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Wed, 07-25-2012 - 10:00pm
N I lost it again. I still do not like this new format. I have a hat on too. I lost a case today. Not my fault, my client had a bad car. Still long day.

Lolly,

My other post was long n detailed. I am sending u good vibes n lots of hugs. You r a strong lady n I have never seen you shaken. I am prod to have been on a journey with you for a long while now n I am also lucky to have u as my neighbor.

You always have such poise. Anyone else in that interview likely would have stumbled. Keep your chin up. You deserve to.
Let us know tomorrow is better.
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2011
Thu, 07-26-2012 - 10:06am
Thanks guys - yesterday was pretty awful, and then last night Mr.New Guy called me out of the blue to take me to dinner. it was nice but I feel conflicted about him so It's sticky. I can't decide about him - in moments I feel like he can't be what I need him to be and in other moments - he's wonderful...ugh - another battle for a different day.

Surprise Surprise I got a call back this morning(not from xAP) about that job, and I asked where and who I would be working with - and it's no shocker that's why he was doing the interview now, I politely declined. I will say - it was the freaking hardest thing I had to do this year. It was good $$, a chance to move - great for my career path - but sanity trumps all of that. :smileysad: I have no doubt I'll hear from him at some point (most likely telling me not to be a baby and take the job) - just not willing to sell my soul that way.

I'm still frustrated today - and I'm facing some really hard decisions. As a contractor for the military (doing civilian work based on contracts with the military) my career path has been pretty fixed for the last few years - and now...... now I'm finding I don't know if I want to keep going down that path - a part of me thinks that cutting my losses and moving to a new area somewhat close to where I am already, and finding a civilian job with the same type of work (data management) might be the right thing for me but it means starting over again. again. again.

I'm sick of starting over.

Entry level, and mid-level entry into civilian work pays so little in comparison. :smileysad: ugh.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Thu, 07-26-2012 - 10:50am

When I first met MH, I (with a girlfriend) made up a pro and con list because of that sticky business.  The pros outweighed the con after thinking about whether or not the cons (very few) were dealbreakers.  It helped having a good friend, who's had my best interest at heart, working things out with me.  And to this day, there are still times of stickiness.  He can't be what I need him to be and about other things he's wonderful.   I even remember a time not all that long ago that I was feeling...well, not so in love with MH, but then I'd look over at him sleeping on the couch and my heart would swell with love for him.  I was worried about that....loving him it seemed only when he was sleeping...lol.  I mentioned it to my g/f and she said all women feel that way.  Now, I don't know if that is actually true (I thought that was a mother/child kinda thing) and that she was just saying it to make me feel better, but it did...and I didn't set my bags to pack and leave.

So, all that rambling to say, if you want to, let us know what some of the stickies are and we can talk through them and help you figure out if they are sticky enough to send this guy packing.  And like any time, we'd suggest that you not do anything right now because you are all over the place with worry and so the best thing to do right now is 'nothing'...about Mr. New Guy anyway.

So, if you are comfortable...

Clarity


Avatar for worthmore
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2012
Thu, 07-26-2012 - 7:10pm
Oh, Lolly. Objectively speaking, there doesn't look to be another answer but to have declined that job. Awful JAM. But we don't live our lives objectively. (At least I can't.) So it must have been so, so hard. It stinks that he put you in that position. But you, my dear, are a superstar. Now he knows he can never get to you again. He offered you money, career opportunity and adventure -- all irresistible temptations if they hadn't come with the rotting carcass that is JAM. That is a victory on so many levels.

I have to believe things are going to work out for you. The universe can't be unfair forever.