just broke off LDEMA and IT HURTS

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
just broke off LDEMA and IT HURTS
1
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 11:07pm
HI everyone! Here's a little bit of my background.

I'm 20, married. I got involved with a Married Man about 6 months ago. Here's how it started. Four years ago, my husband (my fiance at the time) and I met this great guy. He became one of our closest friends. Him and my husband were in the military. Then that friend, let's just call him "John" got stationed overseas.

Then just two years ago, "John" got stationed where my husband was stationed. This time, he's married with children. We re-acquainted ourselves and I even got close to his wife. About 6 months ago, my husband, our daughter and I were getting ready to move away. John and his family helped us move. They even came to our new home. Then one day, he kissed me. From then on, we started talking to each other on the phone and sending emails. Since he lived far, that's the only communication we had. We managed to sneak in a few kisses everytime they came to visit us. Since it was more of an LDEMA, we got emotionally involved. We started to confide in each other. I don't know if "love" is the right term but we felt that way about each other.

After three months of being in that LDEMA, we had our first and last sex. I felt so guilty that I gave him a way out. I tried to break things off with him but he didn't want to. So we continued with what little we had. We even both came to a point where we just wanted to be together. We didn't care if we were to get caught. Then later on, we both realized that we both love our families and we can't just leave them for us.

December came and we hardly spoke to each other because he and his family were on vacation. We kept missing each other but he found time to leave me a message on my voicemail. He reminded me that he still loved me and how much he missed me. January comes and he's gotten so busy at work that we didn't have a decent conversation anymore. We just communicated through email. At that time, I started to feel like we're slowly fading. I even told him about it. But he reassured me that he still loves me and still hopes that one day, we could be together for good.

Just last week, I was just getting tired of waiting. Of course, I missed him so much and I wanted to talk to him. He was just so busy that everytime we talked on the phone, we'd get cut off by someone. I understand too at the same time cause he's at work. So I sent him an email telling him that I don't know what to do anymore. He emailed me back and tried to explain that he's so busy, etc. He said that he can't let me go but if I want out, that would be my decision.

From then on, I didn't know what to do. I knew that the right thing to do is for us to stop. But at the same time, he's made me so happy that I don't know if I can let him go. When we just started, my husband and I were already having problems and he was there to listen. I remember he used to sneak out of the house just to call me. He used to make excuses with his wife just to email or talk to me. But he's a part of my life. So how do you really let go a part of your life?

I talked to him yesterday and finally said goodbye. He said he can't say goodbye cause he still loves me. What I don't understand is why he won't make an effort to see if we could still work things out? Or is he just tired of me too? I know I did the right thing but I miss him terribly and I feel so hurt. I still love him so much.

Please give me your opinion or advice. Anything will help. I'm hurting right now. I feel like a part of me died. Please help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Wed, 02-04-2004 - 8:34am
You are in the right place for support. We have all been through what you are going through now. What you have to really push to the top of your thoughts is what you had with him is a fantasy vs what you have in your real life.

There are such a huge range of emotions that you will go through and this is the place to let it all out.

You will hear it over and over again on this board, No contact is the way. It is sooooooo difficult to do that, but eventually it gets easier. If you want to talk, email whatever your xmm, journal what you have to say, (somewhere safe of course). It helped me a great deal to do that and eventually you will throw away the journal.

It will be tough. Good luck.