just checking in!
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just checking in!
| Mon, 10-11-2004 - 2:07am |
I just wanted to check in here - I'm still around! NOt posting as much but here.
I don't know you guys but you are my support system. I just wanted to say that I can't post as much (not as much privacy) and I'm still struggling but I'm here and not giving up. OM is really understanding that I am pulling away - he cried to me, said I was the best friend he ever had (NOT mutual!!!) and that he loved me. He said he would do anything in his power not to lose me. When I NEEDED to hear what I meant to him he couldn't say any of those things - but now that he noticed I meant what I said about ending the sex and backing off he said what I USED to want to hear. It is still tough though. I am a sucker for tears and won't be a jerk to him when he is crying, BUT I do know that he is just saying words to keep me.
I am trying the friends thing - our kids play together and we have to see eachother in groups - but I am only giving that a chance so I know for sure whether or not I can handle it. I want to say that I at least tried - to be fair to him and to me.
I don't know you guys but you are my support system. I just wanted to say that I can't post as much (not as much privacy) and I'm still struggling but I'm here and not giving up. OM is really understanding that I am pulling away - he cried to me, said I was the best friend he ever had (NOT mutual!!!) and that he loved me. He said he would do anything in his power not to lose me. When I NEEDED to hear what I meant to him he couldn't say any of those things - but now that he noticed I meant what I said about ending the sex and backing off he said what I USED to want to hear. It is still tough though. I am a sucker for tears and won't be a jerk to him when he is crying, BUT I do know that he is just saying words to keep me.
I am trying the friends thing - our kids play together and we have to see eachother in groups - but I am only giving that a chance so I know for sure whether or not I can handle it. I want to say that I at least tried - to be fair to him and to me.
I feel like I am supposed to hate him and turn away completely - but I just don't want to. I can't hate someone I shared so much of myself with. I feel sorry for him in a lot of ways. I'm dealing with my issues and what got me here (AWESOME therapist!!! and this board!!!!) but he has issues that are deep and doesn't even know it.
Just venting - but I'm still here!
Thanks for listening. I'm doing this in my own way and not as fast as some others - but I am getting there.
-lazy

Just wanted to say hi and tell you I've been thinking about you and wondering how you're doing! Try to use the crying and "I love you's" as empowerment to walk away in control. You can do it!
I know it's hard to get on the board when you don't have much privacy. (The big ol' ENDING AN AFFAIR at the top of the page makes it very difficult!!) :) So please feel free to email me if you ever need to vent or chat. I'm here for you!
Good luck, and lots of hugs!
Lily
I have learned that there is only one way to end these things presuming you remain uncaught and that is by going through a learning prossess tell you arrive at the point were you are left staring the truth in the face and know what you have to do like it or not, it does not make it easy but is seems to make it inevitable that the affair ends.
Know that what XMM is doing is nothing more or less then MANIPULATION plain and simple, sorry but the FRIENDSHIP in my opinion is either never really existed or was killed when you crossed the line into an affair.
But the long and the short of it is that your going to have to learn these lessons for yourself just like the rest of us did.
Humans are funny creatures, we are unique in that we can learn from the mistakes of others but are so reluctant to do so.
Personal Honesty
Free