just ended my 7 month affair

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
just ended my 7 month affair
6
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 1:19pm

Hi....

I've been having an affair for about 7 months. I think I started it because I had an inner urge to do something crazy...plus I was very attracted to my OM....but I had no intent to hurt my dear and loving husband. He doesn't know and will never know.

My relationship with my OM has been great. We shared many wonderful moments together and I know he loves me and wants to be with me but he knows he will never have me. I can't keep on going because the guilt is killing me. I need to stop being so selfish and do what is right. I know I always want what I can't have.

I just sent off an email to my OM saying that I need to end things. Part of me is relieved, but part of me wants him to respond asking me not to leave. I still care for him deeply and I can't stop thinking of him.

I know I did the right thing but it's going to be so hard. I don't have any questions or anything...just needed to share and would appreciate any support and advice all of you can give me.

Thanks for listening.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2005
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 3:12pm

Lost,

I just wanted to say that it takes great strength to do what you did. I probably should be on the My Affair one, but I want to end my 3yr A so badly but am no where near being strong enough to do it. I just cannot do it. I stay in here and read every posting faithfully to maybe someday get the strength and advice to begin my stronger better life that I know is out there. Thank you to everyone for your stories and advice....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 7:21pm

Lost

In my opinion there is only one way to end an affair and keep it ended and that is with TOTAL NOT CONTACT, the FRIENDSHIP idea does not work it just leads back to the affair or a great deal of pain.

If OM truly cares for you he will honor you request for no contact and the ending of the affair, if he does not it tells you what he was really in the affair for.

If you find yourself backsliding just picture that Loving husband of your finding out about your cheating on him, picture the look of pain on his face, picture your self several months later in court before a judge as he GRANTS you husband a dirvorce on the grounds of ADULTERY, picture your firends and family reading about it in the local paper.

NOW IS HAVING OM WORTH IT YES OR NO.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2004
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 11:06pm

<>

Free made a very good point which hit home for me. My H DID find out about my A and I had to admit it. The hurt on his face and seeing him cry because of me is something that I will remember until I die. My H loves me SO much, I know he would do ANYTHING for me. I do not believe that I will ever find another man like him.....ever.

My A lasted for 6 yrs. Every month I said to myself, "this HAS to end now" and I never had the strength. If only I had ended it after 7 months....oh how much happier I would have been for 5 yrs, 5 months of my life.

You did the right thing, please stick to it. Anything else will only lead to heartache and worse.

CG

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 1:24am
Just wanted to say congratulations on having the strength to do it and wish you much happiness.

MS
A man's got to do what a man's got to do.
A woman must do what he can't.

MS
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 10:07am

Thank you all for your supportive responses. I know I did the right thing but it has been the toughest 24 hours of my life. I can't stop thinking of him and I could really feel my heart ache last night as I lay in bed. My wonderful hubby could sense something was wrong but never asked any questions, just held me and told me how much he loves me. How on earth did this affair start in the first place?? I know exactly why. Because I was always the perfect conservative girl who had a rebellious side just wanting to come out and finally had the opportunity. But I think I have done enough damage and as punishment, I will have to live with the guilt for the rest of my life.

You guys are right...it is so not worth seeing my dear husband's face if he ever found out. I must stay strong and make sure I do not break down and contact OM.

Thank you again for listening. You have no idea how helpful your responses have been.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2004
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 10:22am

Hello there,

First, good for you. I know that was a hard decision to make, and it takes a particularly insightful and caring person to make it the way you did. Pat yourself on the back for that one.

Second, I completley understand your wanting to shed yourself a bit of your 'conservative' side. Boy, do I get that. I myself have been a total goody-two-shoes my whole life - straight A student, full scholarship to college and graduate school, married great guy, never strayed (never even flirted), blah, blah, blah. But we are pounded in the media constantly by women who are behaving very, very differently, and...well...they look like they're having fun, don't they. So don't beat yourself up on that one either.

Third, this is going to be harder than you think. If you spend some time reading this board (do that, by the way), you'll see how a lot of women have a tremendously hard time with dealing with how their OMs react. If their OM freaks out and begs her to not leave, she often buckles (women have a hard time with men begging them). Or, the opposite happens, and the OM just seems to easily slip away. DON'T let that make you crazy. It does NOT mean that he didn't care (so resist the temptation to talk to him to find out why this is being so easy for him), it just means that men often have a different way of handling things like this. Don't fall into that trap - a lot of women here do. Respect his way of dealing with this, and don't read too much into what he is and isn't doing.

Fourth, remember we are all here for you. Keep posting. Take one day at a time. It will get easier.

1T