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| Thu, 06-16-2005 - 9:58am |
I came here this morning because I've been having a hard time the last 24 hours... like I said it comes and it goes... anyway... as I usually do, I skimmed the topics that are on this first page - looking for either a similar topic to post under or to see if there were any I could put my print of support on... after reading the 10 current topics... and realizing 9 of the 10 made me hurt for the posters... I felt ANGER!
"Feeling lost and numb"
"How big of a liar is he???"
"He wants us to meet ....."
"Losing it"
"What is he feeling..."
"How to end it when I don't want to"
"VERY SCARED!!! Please help!"
"feeling sad"
"Another "other woman" has come along"
Girls (and Max)...
WHAT ARE WE DOING!?!?!?! :(
I came here initially hurting over exMM - missing him, feeling pretty much the SAME thing each of those posts are probably about - I can identify with almost ALL of them (except he wants to meet and another OW) but now... I just HURT for US... WHY are we allowing another person - especially some married man - to cause us pain!?
can't we rise above this? don't we DESERVE more than this? ugh... I wish I could get all of us in the SAME room so we could have a group hug... and then FOCUS on LETTING GO! We don't need this ya all! I've started reading the book that was suggested to me "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing" and so far it's hitting the nail on the head but I want to rush to the end... the part where everything is fixed and there's no more hurt - and I want to take you all with me!!!
What can we do to stop thinking of our sorrows and how much damage and HURT these EX OM/MM and EX OW/MW have created and start working toward making ourselves HAPPY!?!?!?
BIG hugs to ALL of you!!!! Let's work together to conquer the pain and MOVE PAST this!!!!!
XOXO
Edited 6/16/2005 10:00 am ET ET by imanewposter

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I'm right there with you! Now if I could only hold on to that impowered feeling long enough to quit being sad.
You are so right though, what in the heck are we doing? How did "they" become so much of our lives? Well frankly, speaking for myself it's because I let him. I allowed him to dominate my thoughts and heart. While reading your words I thought "I have the power to rid mtself of him", and girl it's time to get to it.
The only sucky thing is that all I have read and heard is how we need to go through the process in order to really heal ourselves. Regretfully hurt and sad feelings are a huge part of it. Darn it, there should be an easier way. A way to extricate the hurt from the journey and keep the wisdom and lessons learned.
Anyway, just wanted to say I hear and feel you. Good luck to you and to us all. Strength and positive thoughts...
I know it's trite but this too shall pass.
imanewposter,
I just wanted to tell you I'm also reading: "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing"
I'm not very far into it but so far it has been helpful. The part where it said that it's hard to know who you can trust your heart to and who is "emotional responsible" made me laugh out loud. I just want to tell xMM that is he "emotionally irresponsible!"
Overall the book is great, in fact it goes through the stages so well. In the book I'm still on the first stage where you can't eat and entertain ideas of 'ending it all' (yes, killing yourself). In real life I'm beyond that stage but I still find it so helpful to read... and it keeps saying over and over that even though you think you won't, you will move past that stage. In fact, it says that is the shortest stage. I'm finding that to be true since I'm stuck in a stage beyond that and have been there for some time (haven't read that part yet).
Someone posted yesterday that we need to "let it go for good" - that is the solution. Our brains/hearts are very sophisticated in that as soon as we really LET GO FOREVER I think we will move on. My brain can say it but my heart is still having a rough time of it. That is why I hang around here!
WIP
"The only sucky thing is that all I have read and heard is how we need to go through the process in order to really heal ourselves. Regretfully hurt and sad feelings are a huge part of it."
VERY VERY true! I definitely don't want anyone to skip over the hurt/mourning feelings, so to speak - but it's very easy to get stuck there and not keep moving through the stages and moving toward HEALTHY!!! I just want to be sure we don't use this place to become complacent in being sad and playing the victim... we are FREE - FREE from the A-bonds! Let's celebrate and look toward a BRIGHT future!
Trust me I KNOW it's hard to get excited and find happiness in what has happened - I'm speaking JUST AS MUCH for my own benefit as all of you! But I've found hope and with hope (and God) ALL things are possible! Let's encourage each other!!!
Thanks for posting jnj3!!!!! :)
Hey!!!! :) We are basically at the same place in the book! :) I went to sleep last night right before reading about "Shame" cause I KNOW it will hit a cord with me and I figured I'd need to be fresh to start that part! Anyway... there were a couple things that REALLY hit me and I plan to type them out for those here... they were encouraging just like thinking - even though it's hard to comprehend - that things WILL get better and the "hurt/sad/devastated" feelings WILL end or at least lessen to the point of not dragging our lives down with them! :)
Oh and then I skipped to the end of Chapter One and read about staying in the moment (type of meditation/yoga thing) so I could start putting it into practice - and it was a really cool exercise that I plan to incorporate - specifically during low moments where exMM's memory is trying to take over - I REFUSE to let him! I'm on a mission now to prove I am STRONGER than exMM's hold over me - I hope you all will come along! :)
Thanks for posting WIP - I'd like for us to stay in touch as we read - it will be cool to see it from your perspective! :)
Sorry,
I feel like I should apologize, since I was one of the posters this morning.
I've just been having a real hard time of late with this whole thing and needed a place I could express that. Next to no one knows. And I can't afford therapy.
I think I'm having a delayed reaction. Maybe I should have been going through this all like 3 weeks ago instead of 6 weeks later. Maybe it still hasn't hit me yet, I'm not sure.
I just know that I feel a mixture of things at all time. Today it's anger. It took everything in me to keep from leaving MM a nasty message. But I didn't. I read this board instead.
Imanewposter, I know where you're going with this. I'm just not there yet. My job doesn't allow me to post much. I wish I had almost like an e-mail buddy out there because this is just too hard to do on my own. So many webs of fantasy to wade through.
Thanks for trying to kick us in the pants and get us moving in the right direction. I'll get there, I swear... it's just taking longer than I thought.
We can roast their nuts over an open fire while telling "can you top this" stupid XMM stories, like the one about Captain Wing Nut who "forgot" to tell his new OW that he's a serial cheater!!!!! And Free, the one who tries to keep us all in line, can make sure we all go to sleep at a reasonable hour!!! Love with big hugs and LMAO, Mo.
taking the "easy" road...is what got you in the is mess in the first place...its what MM's and MW's do ...affairs are easier then to go without or try to fix things. OW's take the easier instant gratification rather than spurn it.
etc etc etc.
Things worth having are harder to obtain usually.
think on that.
Lizzie
ROTFLMAO
"We can roast their nuts over an open fire while telling "can you top this" stupid XMM stories"
Sounds like a ball! Wouldn't it be fun if we could actually all get together! *sigh* thank god for this board! :)
No need to apologize - this board is HERE for posts just like yours! Don't stop posting!!!!!!
You're post did NOT make me mad... it made me hurt... it's like I forgot about my own hurt and realized how many of us are going through this because of THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR and that just empowered me... hopefully someday when something empowers you - you'll come and make such a post as this - and rev up your fellow A-survivors! :)
Hang in there Mis - it DOES get easier!!! I promise! There are still hard days for me... but I FEEL it getting easier and when you realize it... it's like easier comes faster and easier! (if that makes any sense! :) )
XOXO
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