Just need a friend!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
Just need a friend!
8
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 1:31pm
I just need to write, so you don't have to write me back, it's ok. I just need to get something off my mind. I'm so lost in the toughts of xMM again, I just want it to go away, I just want to forget what we had, or else I want him right here right now. Why is everything so hard, why can't i just shut off the feelings I have for him?! I'm just so confused, why do I let myself be like this? Why do I let it consume me, how do I just forget and move on?! I just want him to call, email or something so that we can get together, but I know he's not but why do I keep waiting? What is wrong with me? Someone please tell me I'm not crazy!!
M~
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2005
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 2:18pm

M- hang in there. I feel the exact same way. I'm having a good day and I still have my hopes and wishes. If he walked through the door or sent me a message, I'd probably just fall right back into it. Hang in there until you see some light...distract yourself...you will get to a good point. This hurts so bad b/c they all give us stories of how horrible it is at home and how they want to leave. Well - it can't be that bad or the cowards would leave. Don't let him control you anymore than he already does. I understand that you will have bad days...just try and distract yourself. I'm certainly not cold b/c I've been there and have had my friends just tell me the 'suck it up' line or 'get over it'. I won't say that to you bc it's easier said than done. I'm a religious gal and its amazing...whenever I seem to be spiriling into the misery, I say a prayer for God to take me to another place. Like a miracle I tell you it always happens that the phone will ring or a colleague will come by with something urgent to be done - I look at that as a prayer answered - God helped with my need to be distracted and taken away momentarily from my destructive thoughts. Pray - give it a try. It can't hurt!

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2005
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 2:48pm

Hi, I am also in the same boat as you, so I truly feel where you are coming from. I was with my xMM for about 6 months & I pretty much chose to end things because he ultimately made his choice(to stay for his son) & that obviously him & his W still get along very well, but the attraction & intimacy are just not there for him. Well too bad, they can't have their W & us too. Someone on this board gave me some good advice which was that these MM are still there with their W & in their M because they WANT to be, not because they HAVE to be. I keep telling myself that & it does help. It's so hard sometimes cause on one hand I'm wishing he would call, but on the other I'm glad he's not! He can stay right where he is and be where he obviously WANTS to be!

I agree that alot of these MM sure are cowards, not to mention liars & cheaters, so guess what? Their W are stuck with them & get to deal with the BS. I do love my xMM, I don't know why(well I do, but...), he doesn't deserve my love, but if we could be together, I would try it, but not like this. I have always said that if he chooses to stay because he's afraid of losing his son(which has been the big issue), then I would respect that, BUT....I have to move on & can't be there for him anymore when ultimately it's going no where for me. If it were up to him, he would keep me around forever, talk about selfish, huh?

Anyways, just rambling on here, but I do think prayer is a good thing. We need to have faith that this too shall pass & we will be happy again. It's a life learning lesson to help us prepare for the right man to come along & treat us the way we should be treated.
Hang in there!

MJay

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 8:04pm

Moeell

Your not crazy your a human female and that is the way women are built and there is nothing wrong with being that way when these emotions are contained in a proper commited relationship.

There really is only one thing that works TOTAL NO CONTACT and TIME to heal, your going to have to be patient with yourself and forgive yourself were you have made mistakes.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 11:49pm

moeell,

u r not crazy, u r human and we feel emotions

when will this end, all the pain and suffering, its all up to you, only u can end this

take care of yourself now,

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2005
Thu, 03-24-2005 - 11:34am
Hi Mjay and thanks for the post. It's good to hear from someone in a similar situation - only 6 months - which is relatively short compared to others on this board. I'm curious to know your story - are you married, kids? do you still see you MM? Why did he say his M was so bad? How old are his kids? It's always good to hear that you are not alone. I happen to know a lot from other people about my MM situation - about how his M is, etc..love to swap stories with you...my email is ks7147@yahoo.com.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2005
Thu, 03-24-2005 - 1:58pm
Hi Katie,
Thanks for the note. I did email you off the board. I am a single(divorced 2x)mother
of 1 child. I have been divorced for about 2 years now. My xmm has been married almost 4 yrs & he has a 1 y/o son. Personally, from our close, intimate talks, I think there were underlying issues with him in a previous R before he married her. He said he was engaged once before & there were some issues, then he got with his W, it was an only on the weekend kind of relationship & then he moved back to Ca., when it turned into a LDR. I guess ultimately they decided that they would have to make more of a committment or cut ties. They chose to get M, she moved here & now here we are. So how are you doing? Have you talked to your MM? I have not heard anything since Monday, but I'm glad, maybe he will leave me alone. I'm so heartbroken, but I have to accept it, there is nothing I can do. Hope you are having a better day then I am. Take care.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
Thu, 03-24-2005 - 4:50pm
Thank you Max, for letting me know it's ok too feel the things I've been feeling. I feel lost, just lost lately, I was feel so good and than bam SO bad, I just want it all to go away and leave me alone. I want to be ok with H and not like of xMM.....oh when will it end..........
M~
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Thu, 03-24-2005 - 5:02pm

moeell,

this will all end WHEN U WANT I TO END, right now it still hurt and u might not be able to think rationally, wo can, lots of stress and anxiety, i know how it feels

but then the time will come when u reached that point that u realize that u are hurting yourself in more ways than one, not only yourself but others also

so now u have to make that choice, u either change or stay , u know what results are

i hope u find what u are looking for

i wish i have more to say that can take away all the pain,

max