just need some encouragement

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
just need some encouragement
2
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 9:51am
As I have been posting, I am going through a divorce. My ex-OM is single and dating. I am hoping that we might have a future someday, but for now I have to keep my mind on the divorce. It will be final in a week. No matter what I am doing, I always have ex-OM in the back of my mind. He has been hurt badly in two bad marriages and went through two painful divorces. This has caused him to be afraid of his own feelings. When things get too intense between us, he does the disappearing act. Last week, I was depressed due to everything that goes on with a divorce. OM went to great lengths when I would see him at work to be around me and talk to me. He was probably trying to cheer me up and he knows that I love attention from him, just as he loves attention from me. He finally succeeded in getting me to talk to him and he cheered me up. Now this week, I have barely seen him. I saw him once, yesterday, in passing, and he waved. We work together and he can pretty much be wherever he wants to be because he is over the maintenacne department. I have a feeling that since he was around me so much last week, that now he is doing the disappearing act to keep his own feelings under control. Naturally, this bothers me, but I can't do a whole lot about it. I just hope that once that I am available, he won't do this because there will be no reason for him to run from me. It just frustrates me. I have to keep my mind on the divorce for now. Any feedback woud be appreciated. Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 11:04am
Southern,

Ok, for what it's worth. If it's the right thing for you, then I'm glad you're getting a divorce. Hang in there with that. I'm sure you're going through a lot of emotions about it. As for the OM, and this is just based on your message, it sounds to me like you're still wrapped up in that deal. My advice is to just let that thing go. As the saying goes, if it's meant to be, it will be. But all this wondering what he's thinking, why he's doing what he's doing, and so on and so forth is just taking the focus off of you and keeping you stuck in that place. Let's say that you and he started seeing each other after your divorce. I'm sure you know that chances are good that it won't work out in the long run. You don't mention if you and he had an actual physical affair. If so, chances are even greater that it won't work out. These things just usually don't work out. Because they're not based on reality when you're in it, and then if you are free and available for each other, and reality starts to creep in, people are let down or discouraged or whatever. Work on you, that's the best I can tell you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 10:03pm

Hi Southern, I've been following some of your posts.

Love