just needed to share my story (long)
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just needed to share my story (long)
| Fri, 05-14-2004 - 12:04am |
These boards have been so much help to me over the last year. I am really having trouble dealing w/ everything since my a ended. I know a lot of you are.
I'm almost 30 I have 2 great kids & I married my highschool sweetheart. A year ago I was befriended by a much younger guy(20 at the time) who was in the military. He had just come back from the desert & I figured a friendship would be harmless. I introduced him to my husband & told him I had kids. We quickly became good friends & then more. My marriage had been in trouble for about 2 years & I was just happy to have the attention. He told me he had fallen in love w/ me after about 4 months & I had fallen for him too. He was my friend in front of my h but my lover behind closed doors. He lived 1 hour & a state away but we still mananged to see each other constantly. He introduced me to all his friends & a lot of them became my friends as well. They told me that I brought out a better person in him.
Well right after Easter he got caught drinking on base & they put him on base restriction. I still saw him once a week but it was different, he was distant.Until then he would always drive to see me. By the time he turned 21 over that summer I saw him next to never. His roommate & I stayed good friends & he tryed to help bring us back together.But his roomie was deployed from July to Oct & there was little he could do overseas. My h & I had seperated in June & July was the last time I saw my om till Nov. It was just nc w/ the exception of a few late night drunken phone calls on his part. I figured it was over. But in Nov when I was at his apt. hanging out w/ his roomie . My om came there to talk to me & skipped a night of drinking. I was at the apt not expecting to see him since he came home next to never. He told me he missed me that he made a mistake & he was sorry he hurt me. He called himself a bunch of appropriate names & said he'd understand if I never wanted to talk to him again. He was on his knees holding my hands & looking deeply into my eyes. I fell for it hook line & sinker. The catch was he would be leaving to go back to the desert in a couple of weeks. I knew he had this nc rule while he's deployed. He broke up w/ a girl right before he left the last time & talked to no one except to say hey I'm at the airport & I need a ride home. So i drove him to the airport after spending a few stolen moments together in the weeks before he left. We said goodbye I cried & he told me he loved me.
In the meantime as of sept my h was back home & I had been trying to make my marriage work. My h put it all together & confronted me 2 days after om left. I told him everything & I thought my life was over. I told my h I didn't know what I wanted. But amazingly enough I heard from om quite a bit while he was gone. I continued to hang out w/ his roommate & one day om was back. No warning nothing just boom there he was. He was happy to see me & I said he missed me. We went to a party together where I drank too much & he took care of me while I was sick. But his friends told me to be careful that he was confused again. They didn't want to see me get hurt. At this point it was april & I had met him January of the past year.I figured there must be something there since we keep ending up together.Then I stopped hearing from him again. I couldn't believe it was happening again. In spite of myself I called him but only once.Then I saw him again & this time he was completely wasted.He said he'd been busy & would get in touch w/ me. So i waited.
Then his roommate got drunk & accidently told me that om had been sleeping around w/ everyone he could. He said that the other girls don't mean nothing but one minute he would say he loved me the next he said he was just using me. His friends kept saying give him time. But I realized I was the fool. I had been played not once but twice. I had put my marriage & life on hold. I still can't believe my h took me back. Now om won't talk to his roommate my friend because he told me everything. Om's other friends say he's lost his mind & have call to check & make sure I'm ok. I guess what comes around goes around.
I feel so stupid & believe me I never thought this kind of thing could happen to me. I haven't confronted om, it's just not worth it. I do not chase after people & won't start now. I just can't understand why he came back in Nov after 4 months?I mean he was freeto do whatever & whoever he wanted. Why did he have to do this to me? Did he ever sincerly care about me? I'm committed to working on my marriage but I can't lie I miss om. I know he is a scumbag. His friends say he's a great guy if you're a guy. That about sums it up. But I know as soon as I think I'm over him he'll show up in my life again. I only seem to be strong when he's not in my life. What is wrong w/ me? Why do I insist on letting myself dwell on it? I just hope this gets easier. Right now I obsess over ever detail & how I even let things get as far as they did. Sorry so long. Thanks for listening.............
I'm almost 30 I have 2 great kids & I married my highschool sweetheart. A year ago I was befriended by a much younger guy(20 at the time) who was in the military. He had just come back from the desert & I figured a friendship would be harmless. I introduced him to my husband & told him I had kids. We quickly became good friends & then more. My marriage had been in trouble for about 2 years & I was just happy to have the attention. He told me he had fallen in love w/ me after about 4 months & I had fallen for him too. He was my friend in front of my h but my lover behind closed doors. He lived 1 hour & a state away but we still mananged to see each other constantly. He introduced me to all his friends & a lot of them became my friends as well. They told me that I brought out a better person in him.
Well right after Easter he got caught drinking on base & they put him on base restriction. I still saw him once a week but it was different, he was distant.Until then he would always drive to see me. By the time he turned 21 over that summer I saw him next to never. His roommate & I stayed good friends & he tryed to help bring us back together.But his roomie was deployed from July to Oct & there was little he could do overseas. My h & I had seperated in June & July was the last time I saw my om till Nov. It was just nc w/ the exception of a few late night drunken phone calls on his part. I figured it was over. But in Nov when I was at his apt. hanging out w/ his roomie . My om came there to talk to me & skipped a night of drinking. I was at the apt not expecting to see him since he came home next to never. He told me he missed me that he made a mistake & he was sorry he hurt me. He called himself a bunch of appropriate names & said he'd understand if I never wanted to talk to him again. He was on his knees holding my hands & looking deeply into my eyes. I fell for it hook line & sinker. The catch was he would be leaving to go back to the desert in a couple of weeks. I knew he had this nc rule while he's deployed. He broke up w/ a girl right before he left the last time & talked to no one except to say hey I'm at the airport & I need a ride home. So i drove him to the airport after spending a few stolen moments together in the weeks before he left. We said goodbye I cried & he told me he loved me.
In the meantime as of sept my h was back home & I had been trying to make my marriage work. My h put it all together & confronted me 2 days after om left. I told him everything & I thought my life was over. I told my h I didn't know what I wanted. But amazingly enough I heard from om quite a bit while he was gone. I continued to hang out w/ his roommate & one day om was back. No warning nothing just boom there he was. He was happy to see me & I said he missed me. We went to a party together where I drank too much & he took care of me while I was sick. But his friends told me to be careful that he was confused again. They didn't want to see me get hurt. At this point it was april & I had met him January of the past year.I figured there must be something there since we keep ending up together.Then I stopped hearing from him again. I couldn't believe it was happening again. In spite of myself I called him but only once.Then I saw him again & this time he was completely wasted.He said he'd been busy & would get in touch w/ me. So i waited.
Then his roommate got drunk & accidently told me that om had been sleeping around w/ everyone he could. He said that the other girls don't mean nothing but one minute he would say he loved me the next he said he was just using me. His friends kept saying give him time. But I realized I was the fool. I had been played not once but twice. I had put my marriage & life on hold. I still can't believe my h took me back. Now om won't talk to his roommate my friend because he told me everything. Om's other friends say he's lost his mind & have call to check & make sure I'm ok. I guess what comes around goes around.
I feel so stupid & believe me I never thought this kind of thing could happen to me. I haven't confronted om, it's just not worth it. I do not chase after people & won't start now. I just can't understand why he came back in Nov after 4 months?I mean he was freeto do whatever & whoever he wanted. Why did he have to do this to me? Did he ever sincerly care about me? I'm committed to working on my marriage but I can't lie I miss om. I know he is a scumbag. His friends say he's a great guy if you're a guy. That about sums it up. But I know as soon as I think I'm over him he'll show up in my life again. I only seem to be strong when he's not in my life. What is wrong w/ me? Why do I insist on letting myself dwell on it? I just hope this gets easier. Right now I obsess over ever detail & how I even let things get as far as they did. Sorry so long. Thanks for listening.............

The other big red flag in your post is the amount of drinking your OM is doing. My take - he's in some sort of emotional pain and is trying to drink it away. That pain could be from the military, it could be from childhood, or he could plain and simple genetically be an alcoholic. The combination of his military-trained mind and alcohol is toxic to your sanity. He probably needs professional help, and you probably won't be able to make sense of his actions.
The last thing I could soooo identify with was the drunken phone calls. My OMM has a bit of an alcohol problem himself and up until recently he used to call me at like 2:30 a.m. drunk and slurring and I couldn't even understand his messages. I don't know whether he even remembered leaving them.
Honey, you're pretty blessed if you and your DH can rebuild your marriage. I'd suggest you focus on that and stay away from your military guy. I don't mean to sound critical or judgmental, but he sounds like he has some issues that he needs to address and until he does, he's only going to hurt and confuse you. JMHO. Take care of yourself and keep posting here! Love, Mo.