Just needing to talk

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2010
Just needing to talk
7
Sun, 05-16-2010 - 10:57pm

Hello Ladies,

I am writing tonight because I have so many thoughts of AP in my head. I just can’t stop thinking about him.

I am 24 days NC.

Our A lasted for four years. There was no Dday. He moved away for a new job, and after months of telling me how much he missed me and couldn’t wait to come back to me, he met someone new. I don’t think he was even going to tell me about her… I happened to discover it through Facebook. I think he was going to continue stringing me along. When I ended it, via email, it was short and sweet…. I’m done, it’s over. He never responded.

I know that you all have asked yourself the same question here… was I that easy to forget? Because let me tell you something, I tried really hard to be the kind of person that he couldn’t forget.

Okay, so I know that I shouldn’t even care anymore… I’ve made it over 3 weeks now. I have no temptation to call him or get in touch. I have blocked him from FB and quit cyber stalking our mutual friends to find out about him. I am going on a wonderful vacation next week with my H and kids. Things at home have been really good.

So, I think I can say that I’m glad that it’s over. I’m so blessed that there was no Dday because my H and kids would have been devastated. I want to try to make our family work again, and so far, so good. I’m thankful that xAP has not tried to contact me because I’m not positive that I could resist communication with him if he initiated it.

So why is he constantly on my mind? I’m constantly wondering what he’s doing, if he’s happy, if he’s missing me, thinking about me. Sometimes I think about the bad things, the hurt, the lying, all that… but it is still thinking about HIM.

I have stopped crying (I think… it’s been over a week now). I am making every effort to spend quality time with H and the kids. I stay off the computer as much as possible. I read on this board EVERY day.

So why is he still on my mind? I’m sick of it!! I want to go a whole day and not think of him at all. Will that ever happen?

Thanks for listening.
-Angel

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Sun, 05-16-2010 - 11:20pm

Angel,

24 days is still so fresh. Give it time, it will get better. It sounds like you are doing all of the right things. Staying busy and doing family things to keep your mind off of him is good...keep doing that. Remember that the less time you have him in your head the faster you will heal. I had to stay busy every second the first couple of months or I would start to find reasons to have to text him. I wish I would have known about this board then. Do you like to read? That helps me a lot, or finding a funny movie to watch (no sappy love stories). Just stay busy! And, of course, come here. We have all been there.

Hugs, AAI

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 12:31am

They think of us. Years later they think of us. We haunt them too. I only tell u this because all these months later, I know exAp thinks of me. He told a mutual friend he can not reach me n he's struggling. That mutual not so much of friend that I ran into will not mention that man to me again.

Anyway, Iddy posted something last week I think saying how her Exap all these years later mentioned something about how she dumped him. They think of us. They may never call or txt, but they think of us. Men just handle this stuff differently than we do.

Now I hope that answers ur question. But please know that it still does not matter. N also keep in mind that u are too early in to assume that he will not still be in ur thoughts. He will. This stuff just takes time.
I had a long drive this weekend n exap haunted me for most the ride until I yelled out stop in my car n shifted my mind to other things. I am NC since early Dec, so know that it will still be with you for a bit.

Continue to enjoy ur fam. I am happy to hear u r on the right path. Rough days will lessen n he will take up less room as time passes...u might have a rough one on occasion, but they will be few.

Hang in there...

Luvin

Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2010
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 10:34am

Angel,


I am 46 days NC and awoke this morning having dreamt about him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 2:28pm

Dear FA and KS,


Yes, it does take time before they leave our hearts and heads and truthfully, I am not going to sugarcoat it. It hurts, it pains, it makes us sad, it sucks up our energy levels,

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2010
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 2:32pm

Friends,


Your responses mean so so much to me. I don't know how I'd be making it through all of this without having all of you to lean on.


I am very grateful that I didn't have the nightmare of a Dday. I can't even imagine the pain that some of you have had to deal with. It's because of that that I feel guilty for needing support on this board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Tue, 05-18-2010 - 10:07am

Hi Angel-


You are right, 24 days is HUGE, but at the same time, you are still very raw and new to this. I am 110 days NC today and I still think of xap. I still have to consciously push him out of my thoughts when I find my thoughts lingering on him too long, but it is so much easier now than at 24 days. The minute by minute struggle to cope with the ending has stopped. I am back in my real life. I haven't cried over him in so long- I can't even remember. When he does cross my mind, it is fleeting... and it's in a really abstract way. I have almost forgotten what he looks like, and I don't allow my mind to concentrate there to remember. It is too painful and may always be too painful. It is very hard to leave behind. It is very hard to shut him out and move on, but it can be done. I am not out of the woods yet at 110 days, but let me tell you that it continues to get better with each day. So be patient. You can do this.


Hugs,


Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Tue, 05-18-2010 - 1:57pm
I would say it took about 3 months to stop thinking of him without some longing, about 6 months to stop thinking of him without anger, and about 9 months to have utter indifference. It's a process you have to go through, and where people fail is when they don't allow themselves to go all the way through it. The time frame is different for everyone. But this gives you an idea. Just keep hanging in there and let the process run it's natural course. You'll get there. One day at a time.