Just Plain Need Help - aggg

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2008
Just Plain Need Help - aggg
13
Mon, 08-02-2010 - 4:17pm

Hi everyone....it has been awhile, but always good to know that help is right here when ya need it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Mon, 08-02-2010 - 4:48pm

WDW,

<<>>

You made me chuckle...sorry... because I know this isn't funny by a long shot, but listen up. This guy has shown you countless times that he is NOT getting a D and you need to start believing this. Right this minute...AND, if you really want this over with, no more emails confessing your love or telling him anything for that matter. It's time to block and walk. Delete/block him form your cell phone, email addy, and all other channels of communication. Nothing in your life is going to change until you do, honey.

It's time to get serious and take back your life,

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Mon, 08-02-2010 - 6:28pm

WDW,

Welcome to EAS. I must say I am exhausted from just reading what you have been through. I can't imagine how tired you must feel. You and your children have been through so much.

It is so hard to see the hopelessness of a situation when you are so far in ... and at some point, you just think it is going to pay off, that surely they are going to start doing what they say they are going to do. I can't imagine how hard it would be to walk away from a situation when every time you attempt to leave, you are hoping this will be the time he comes through for you.

Good for you for finally taking a stand. You don't need this kinda drama in your life. Life is hard enough without worrying about uprooting your family every time he gets a new position. That's no life for you.

We'll be here for you. Keep posting in the days to come - wherein some of us started to wobble. We will help you get through the tougher days and soon you will have put some serious distance between you and your xAP.

Welcome,

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2008
Tue, 08-03-2010 - 1:04pm

I know it is funny in a way, and at times i find myself laughing in the mirror to how stupid I actually have been.


Last night he called me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Tue, 08-03-2010 - 1:33pm

WDW,
What is it you are trying to get from us here? What is it you want to accomplish and how can we help you get there? I am confused by the purpose of your post.

Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2008
Tue, 08-03-2010 - 1:50pm

Dee,


I wish I knew how to ask for the help I need, but support and advice is really what I am hoping for.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Tue, 08-03-2010 - 2:16pm

Okie dokie, Pokie. Got it.

So, to reiterate, you want to end this A, right?
If so, this is where you're fudging it up.

"I have told him so many times it is over and he won't accept it." * YOU have not accepted it, so of course HE has not. Besides, it doesn't matter if _he_ accepts it; it only matters if YOU have. You end this A, not him. It takes two to tango and if you leave the dance floor, he's just out there looking like a spaz all by himself. But, right now, you have not ended it.

- you still have relationshippy conversations with him where you negotiate the terms for continuing the A, such as his divorce and so forth. You're still very much all up in his business and he in yours.
- you have not decided if you want to have a RL R with him, post his D and you're holding out for it.
- you are making lame excuses as to why you cannot practice LC or NC, so you're not trying.

Honey, you need to get out of this situation and give yourself some breathing room to get your head straight. You're not going to want this guy even IF he leaves his W. I promise you, six months from now, if you're out of this A and practicing strict LC or NC and working on your own issues, you'll look back on this JAM and have to suppress a slight gagging reflex at the thought that you'd EVER consider taking him on in Real Life.

The path from where you are now and where you want to be in six months starts with you making the decision to GET MOVING on your journey. The first steps are.... what? You know you know the answer...
(this is where you come back and post all about what you're going to do now.)

I look forward to reading from you again soon... very, very soon!
Ok??

All the best,
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2008
Tue, 08-03-2010 - 2:50pm
HAHA, I actually had a LOL moment at my desk on some of your comments!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Tue, 08-03-2010 - 3:01pm

Why do you keep trying to end it? Why are you playing the push and pull game. You really think that he cares about you because he won't just walk away? Think about it really hard for a moment and realize that this MM has a woman to do whatever he wants for him and all he has to do is pursue her. She will stay hidden from his W and family and won't tell a soul.


What is he really putting up with? Nothing really. He has a woman who doesn't value herself enough to put him out of her life for good. He has a woman who will play games with him only to allow him to have her body over and over with him giving little in return.


He doesn't squeak back into you personal space. You let him back into your personal space and body. You are getting some kind of ego boost from this and you are not really ready to end this madness. It's really a shame. You can end this if you want to. It doesn't matter what he wants. When you are really of tired of being his doormat you will stand up for yourself and say enough.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2008
Tue, 08-03-2010 - 3:49pm

Mom...

Wish it was that easy.......

"She will stay hidden from his W and family and won't tell a soul" - my family and our friends here know about everything and accepted him too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Tue, 08-03-2010 - 4:16pm

Dear WDW,


Listen ... I am not going to say anything more profound than has already been posted, but I am lending support to their position: YOU WANT THIS AFFAIR TO END ... THEN YOU JUST END IT.


yup. that's it. it is only as complicated as you want to make it. if you want to stay in the affair you do so by coming up with excuses and justifications for your behavior, then you try and make your situation seem unique and somehow different.


But we're not sold. We have ALL been where you are ... we have all come out of situations NOT UNLIKE the one that you are in.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

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