Just some thoughts

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Just some thoughts
5
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 12:59pm
I just want everyone to know that I too can relate to letting OM/MM having too much control over us. I adored my OM when we were in our affair and I still do, but I handle some things better now. My happiness used to depend on whether he called me or not or paid me any attention. If I went a day without seeing him, I was miserable. I was in an emotional turmoil all of the time. I am still not over him and don't really know if I ever will be. The thing that made me realize that I was in too deep was this, My OM had filed for bankruptcy and I saw it in the newspaper. I saved that newspaper for months like I was keeping a shrine to him. I read it everyday. I finally realized how crazy that was and I threw it away. This is just how out of control an EMA can make us.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 2:34pm
It is amazing the control an A can have on a person. At the begining for me was the same. I was miserable not hearing from him. we needed to see each other all the time, not to mention talking for hours on the phone. I too dont know if I will ever be over him. Maybe someday but right now my heart say otherwise. I fell head over heels in love with this person and I know I still am. I still grieve for him. Its been 3 weeks since we ended it.

Take Care.

Lady Bug

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2003
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 5:51pm
I just wanted to give both of you a really BIG (((HUG)))!!

The first couple of months was very tough for me. He wanted to stay "friends". Professed constantly that we could. I believed/still believe we can. We do have LIMITED contact. Maybe a few times a month and that does make things so much better.

As time goes by the hurt will ease, the sorrow may pass. You may always MISS him or something he did or said..heck we love these guys! You can't stop your heart from loving someone..it just does. I am not sure there is anything that he could do or say that will ever make me stop loving him or being in love with him..

He ended our affair in May and it is now October and I can't beleive I survived this long..

HUGS HUGS HUGS

MB

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 10:34am
Thank You so much

I do miss him, but It is getting easier to resist the temptation of getting ahold of him again. Unfortunately I cant be friends with him, I do love him and I cant treat him like he is just one of my buddys. Getting better everyday.

Thank You for your support.

Hugs back to you.

Lady Bug

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Thu, 10-07-2004 - 12:44am
How do you get past it? How do you let go? My OM and I ended things almost 2 months ago. We've tried "being friends" but I find that if he doesn't call or email than I am devestated. If does call, I get hopeful at the thought of being with him again.

Someone said you can't stop your heart from loving someone. My OM said otherwise. He said he realized our relationship could never evolve past what is was and that he loved me but needed to walk away. He called me a little over a week ago on a Friday night - we were both out with friends and he wanted to hook up. Then he told me he didn't have feelings for me and it would just be amazing sex! How do men do that?? Just turn off their emotions? I read posts like these about women (myslef included) crying and agonizing over tough decisions...do they ever??

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Thu, 10-07-2004 - 10:16am
Hi Actress,

My A lasted 3.5 years. On and off we tried the friendship thing, never worked, because I beleive when you have feelings for someone other than friendship it's hard to treat them like they are just your buddys. It ended for us 3 weeks ago. It was a mutual decision to let go, the worst part is we had to,we did not want to. To make a long story short we almost got caught and we completely freaked. Our final talk was exactly 3weeks ago, First thing he said lets stay as friends. I told him No and I asked if he could simply treat me as one too. He said No as well. It is the hardest thing to do, but I have found alot of strength in this board and I have a very close friend of mine that is the only one who knew of my affair that has helped me get through this. The temptations of calling him and telling him I want u back in my life are very much there, I get through because I have this ego thing, IF he has not called or tried to e-mail me why should I. I did break down once and so did he. but THAT WAS THE FIRST WEEK. I have had alot of rough moments and I know I will continue to do so. Until the feelings are gone. I also want to work on my marriage. I have an incredible Hubby and when my A started it was because I was going through a very rough time with H. Everything in life happens for a reason. I will never understand why I did something so out of my character. I can only tell you that I have learned from this never to let it happen again.

As for men, not all are the same. Try to keep NO CONTACT WITH YOUR OM. It has proven to be the only way to get through the rough times. Find the strength, trust me when I tell u,

YOU WILL BE OK. He is not worth it specially if he is just calling for sex, its just going to prolong heartache if u keep staying in touch with him. I am sure you can do this. Stay in touch with this board, u will see there are alot of us going through the same rough patches.

Here if u need me...

Hugs and best of luck.

Lady Bug.