Just thinking

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Just thinking
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 1:49pm
Hello all, I don’t post very often but do lurk here and there. I watched the Dr. Phil show

yesterday and I can not get it out of my mind. Not to mention that my H gets home rite

about the time it ends and he was pissed about an Email he had intercepted.

The truth will set you free........well, seems like the more and more I tell the truth, the

more and more I get into trouble and cause more pain.

I have tried to be honest with my H but when you have lied for so long.......how do you

remember everything all at one time. You see, he has had 3 A’s that I know of so he is not

your regular victim but yesterday he told me it was different because he never told the

women that he “loved them” that makes it better? It is not a competition of who did what

worse or who is hurting more, it just seems to never end. Something ALWAYS is biting

me in the A%@. I guess that is what I get. I would really just like to put it behind me and

him to be able to do the same instead of digging and digging and digging for things. You

did hard enough when you have lied so much you are going to find things! The MM I had

the A with, his wife used to be a detective and never found out anything until I came along

and I just told her. She did not have to look very far.

Anyway about the show yesterday, I guess I must not have much of a life because

It has been on my mind soooooo much today. I can relate with her in so many ways. Now

I have only had 1 A but the way it affects the kids and the snowball affect it has on

everyone is awful. I saw her fourteen year old sitting there saying those things about how

she was raised to be moral and so was mine. My daughter found out about my A a long

time before anyone else did and I made her keep it a secret. What a monster am I? In the

end my 15 year old lives now with my mother.....that is a long story but the reason??? My

A. My story is so similar to the one I saw on Dr. Phil I am going to follow it.....maybe if

he can be a help to them, I can get some tips and fix some of the mess I have made.

I would also love to figure out how to make my H calm down over this. I spent the

holidays in the hospital and he actually thought the MM was in town......I guarantee the

MM either never knew or if he did he was probably laughing his but off!! He does not give

a crap about me or anyone else but himself and what makes him happy...oh and his kids....those kids are so importaint to him he had the A with me rite in front of their face.....No how to make my H

understand that it is over forever. We had a huge fight last night and I am just sick of

crying and defending myself and going over things over and over and over. He wants the

“truth” my god, its been a over a year that it started, and several months for NC. How can

I remember exact dates for everything?

I am trying really hard to get back to normal, I took this A way too hard than I should

have and its been a big battle for me to get back on track now I need to figure out how to

make my H stop this!!! any ideas???? Yes, him and I do go to therapy, does it do any

good, NO. Not for him. I think him and his therapist sit and talk about football.