Just thinking about M

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
Just thinking about M
6
Fri, 03-26-2010 - 3:20pm

I‘ve been thinking, how do we make our marriages work again, after all the time we spent in the A (months/years) we have worked our asses off building walls and pushing

BE the change that you want to see in the world! Life loves me and I love life! <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Fri, 03-26-2010 - 3:36pm

Love you New Season.

It never ceases to amaze me how your words could be my words. What you wrote, I have written. Your thoughts seem to be my thoughts. For us M gals here, I think your words will resonate with most. This is a struggle. Marriage is hard work... oh man is it hard work. I had no idea. I thought running away would be easier. All running away did was cause a huge mess that I now have to clean up.

So, now it's on me to regain his trust. My DH is wonderful. He has forgiven me. We are in MC and working on our communication (that is what was at the root of most of our issues). I am learning to reopen to him. I am pushing myself to be honest with him about everything, to let him back in... I had closed him off. Now that I am more open, more affectionate, more "in" the relationship, he is reciprocating and things between us have never been better. We are on the same team again. He is safe. He is comfortable. He is home.

I expect all of our journeys back to our M's to be different. But I suspect that if we are honest with ourselves at each step, honest with our H's at each step, and willing to really invest our whole selves back into it, things will begin to rebuilt and the M will be better than it ever was. I am not grateful for my A, but I am grateful that it brought me back to my H before I walked away for good.

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
Fri, 03-26-2010 - 3:55pm

Yep, what we did was run away

BE the change that you want to see in the world! Life loves me and I love life! <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2007
Thu, 04-01-2010 - 12:05pm

i have struggling with many of the same thoughts this week... i am very happy to have come across your post today...


"I really am grateful for the security, familiarity and history that my M offers.

~ life....

http://nomoreblues.wordpress.com/

Oh just leave me just get out of my head
'Cause I can't ta

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Thu, 04-01-2010 - 1:01pm

I really needed to hear this today, new_season. Thanks so much for sharing your insight.


I am struggling with my M for a variety of reasons. Not sure I want to stay in it, was pretty positive I wanted out of the M while in the midst of my A (but not because I thought there was a life with xap). We've been married 27 years and we are just so vastly different from one another. We are absolutely on opposite ends of the spectrum. But he is a good, kind person. I am a very young 47 and he is acting like an old man of 50. I can't stand it any more. Our kids are grown and gone (no grands yet!), we are both healthy and in good physical shape. We should be having the time of our lives. Instead, we simply co-exist. No fights. No passion. Just shared meals and bed space. But I agree whole-heartedly with you in the

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
Thu, 04-01-2010 - 4:01pm

So glad I could of any help to anyone...thank you so much...


hugs and much love...Happy Easter too!


BE the change that you want to see in the world! Life loves me and I love life! <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2009
Thu, 04-01-2010 - 8:17pm
I had exactly the same thoughts today. I don't know if my marriage is fixable, we are so different and been living like roommates for years. The thought of staying like that till the end of my life terrifies me. And yes, he is good, caring and totally devoted man, I feel stupid even thinking of leaving him.

XOXO
Gone
**Bloodied but unbowed**