Just a vent and needing support today...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2010
Just a vent and needing support today...
4
Thu, 05-27-2010 - 7:33am

Hi Ladies,


Just arrived at work and feel the need to come on here before I begin my day of teaching, because I need some strength. It has been an extremely hectic week for me so I have managed to keep my mind on other things and am focusing on my RL. I think hormones are out of whack the last couple days because I am soooo sensitive, cranky and just blah! So, add to this that on my drive to work...there was Xap AGAIN working on the side of the road by my house and as I drive by he has a big smile and waves hello. I throw up the hand and keep on driving just like last time (about a week ago) when the same thing happened. So let me be honest ladies... what do I do on the rest of the drive here and when I get here... check my phone... wtf????? I am STILL checking my phone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am on day 88 and I am still checking my phone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In my head I am saying... please just ONCE in all these days you decided to walk away without ever contacting me again...please just WANT to contact me once after seeing me! How pathetic am I still???? OMG I feel so low right now that I feel this way. I am strong, then I am weak, I am on a high from this "freedom" then on a low without my drug.


Liberty, I read your post before I wrote this and you are so right...doesn't matter how many hours, days, weeks or months... this pain is OURS until we decide to shed it altogether. I guess I just haven't and thought I was better than this. I honestly wanted to txt him.... can you imagine??? I really just wanted to txt like I used to all the times he was working in the morning to say hi and have a great day. OMG.... please give me strength girls. I am earning my wings in 2 days...and I don't want broken wings!!! Can't fly with those bastards!


Thanks for listening to me rant, off to teach my teenagers about life.... how ironic!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Thu, 05-27-2010 - 9:14am

Give yourself some credit, Healing!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Thu, 05-27-2010 - 9:24am

Hi Healing... Wahoo you will be joining us in Tweenerville soon and I can't wait. I am saving you a seat and a nice cold beverage of your choice :)


I am glad you came here. We all know the feeling you are describing. I wrestled with it a lot the past few days. And I just let it ride. You know that contacting him will lead to no good. Either he won't respond, he will respond and tell you to leave him alone, he will respond

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2010
Thu, 05-27-2010 - 9:32am

Oh healing, it was just one of your days and we know that it'll pass in a day or two, a set back :) I'm just lucky that jam is far away from me but he might return for a visit this December but i'm not scared more so excited about it.


Uhmnn...why you hope

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2010
Thu, 05-27-2010 - 8:12pm

Thanks for your support ladies! Wish I could say that the day got better...it didn't! I was meeting H at home on my lunch and knew I had to drive by again...prayed they would be done their work on my street...no such luck. This time he just barely flicked an acknowledgement but had a big "smirk" on this face. Then when I had to go back, he just stared and smiled...a cruel sickening smile...there was no wave this time.