Just when I think ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Just when I think ...
2
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 10:40am
Hello gang, I just thought I would come on and post my thought for the day. Actually all weekend. Just when I thought that I was doing OK and accepted that the ball was in MM's court to have a friendship with me, I just started feeling down this weekend about it. Wondering if he will ever want contact with me again. That "down" feeling has leaked into the other areas of my life as well. I have been thinking alot lately and have realized that I really haven't been truly happy in a long time, and I don't know what it will take to get me there. I know that I need to get out and do things, keep myself busy but there seems to be something holding me back, I'm not sure what it is. My friend invited me out yesterday and I felt energetic up until that point and as soon as she asked me to go out, I felt tired and didn't go. I'm thinking it's psychological. I guess all I can do is keep trying to find my own happiness.

Now about the MM, I've been reading posts today about all these MM who look to us to give them what they need, and then they can't be there for us in return. It's just beyond me how people can be so selfish. I don't know how I could live with myself on a day to day basis if I used someone the way alot of us have been used and then just tossed them out like they were garbage. Even though I really do want a friendship with my exMM, I'm still angry at the treatment that I've gotten all along. Part of the anger is at myself for allowing it to happen. But I just can't fathom someone caring so much and loving someone but disregarding their feelings at the same time. Ugh. I'm in such a yucky mood today. Thanks for reading and if you would love to respond with some positivity I would love to read it. I sure could use it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 1:45pm
Hey there! I'm sorry you're feeling yucky today. We all have those days. I'm in a bit of one myself right now, as I posted above.

All of these "others" who used us to get positive feelings about themselves, they're most likely narcissistic to some extent. If you've done any research on narcissism, you know that its a personality disorder. Not to defend these thoughtless slobs, but they really don't know what they're doing. They can't see anything or anyone beyond their own needs. You can't really substitute your perspective for his, because (presumably!) you are NOT a narcissist. It's like me being an addict. If you're not an addict, you can't relate to the crazy way my mind works and why I think its an excellent idea to spend my days in a blackout. No sane person does that, right??? I do it because I have a real problem. Narcissists have a real problem as well. Their coldness, thoughtlessness and emotional vacancy doesn't represent a problem for THEM. Their only problem is when they can't find a "source" to make their ego feel better. Everyone - EVERYONE - who enters the narcissist's life is there to meet the narcissist's needs.

That's not to suggest that every "other" mentioned on this board suffers from the narcissistic personality disorder. But everyone has a certain degree of narcissism. These "others" may just have a healthier sized dose of it than most people. I do believe that my DH has narcissistic tendencies. He's not cold, thoughtless or emotionally vacant by any stretch. He has alittle problem with wanting his ego stroked pretty often, but he's working on it with a T. There are varying degrees of narcissism.

That's why, IMHO, you wouldn't be able to live with yourself if you sucked the soul out of another person and then moved on, but some of our "others" can. Love, Mo.

mo 7-18-10

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 6:57pm
I just wanted to say that I know EXACTLY what you mean. It really sucks to realize that this other person who you were so generously giving to is not capable or won't return the support. The only positive I can add is what that says about you as a person. Obviously you are a very loving, generous, trusting, and compassionate person. We just are wasting those gifts on an undeserving person. I kind of have this radar of picking people who are lonely and hurting and I think I can "rescue" them. But one of my favorite sayings is "Everyone deserves the dignity of their own recovery." It's not fair for me to want to change them. You know?

Anyway, keep your head up and this too shall pass.

Much love,

Real