Just....lonely

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2010
Just....lonely
3
Tue, 04-06-2010 - 5:25pm

Hey again ladies -


I made it 7 days NC. Then silly me, I sent a text just to 'check in' - IDK make sure he was ok, (or maybe curled in fetal postion pining away for me?!?!?) idk..


BUT - - He responded a few hours later (as is norm) but I didn't respond. I am proud of myself for that. So I am on day 3 NC now.


And last night I was able to remove his myspace page, so I wasn't constantly

"It will all be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2009
Tue, 04-06-2010 - 6:54pm

I am starting school soon too - something I was putting off for the last two years while being so caught up in the drama of the affair. I need to do it for ME - to spend my energy on my own life and not to be so concerned with x and his life.

It's ok to feel lonely and to feel what you feel. Just try not to dwell on it too much. Accept your feelings and then try to do something that would give you satisfaction and sense of accomplishment.

I remember your posts a few weeks ago...you're a strong person, you're going to beat this thing pretty quickly. Grats on your NC days (in my humble opinion, number of them does not really matter as everybody is different and there is not timetable or magic number of NC days when pain suddenly disappears - what matters is your moving in the right direction and getting on with your life, and everything else will fall into place in its own time).

Just know you're not alone. I am married but feel very lonely at times too.

XOXO
Gone

**Bloodied but unbowed**
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Tue, 04-06-2010 - 7:05pm

hi CM-

Glad to hear your resolve in your post to stick to NC. Dealing with the end of an A is hard... even at 68 days out I still struggle and know I have a long way to go. Good for you for going back to school- doing something for yourself, no matter what it is, is the first step to reengaging in your life. It's normal to feel lonely. I was spending so much time and energy on xap that I became absent from my life. That became painfully clear in the early stages of NC. I had pushed everyone away and now I am working to rebuild friendships and my M. With time, I know that loneliness will subside. Remember, it took great courage to end your A. Now you have to focus on yourself, rediscover the things you love and move forward.

Hugs,

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2010
Wed, 04-07-2010 - 9:33am

Thank you SLoJ and GBG - it helps to know I'm not alone in feeling lonely.


Although my circumstances are slightly different (as is everyones! :) Mine loneliness is not due to cutting off friendships or just focusing on him. When he came into my life, it was a pretty quiet predictable one. I don't do much outside my home, never have really.


But the A taught me a couple of things -


I had focused my WHOLE self on my children. I only identified myself as "their Mom" and that is not good, because they are growing up and I need to have my own identity as they become their own persons, so I am not empty when they are gone. So I have a good handle on who I am now and things I like to do by myself and such.


To believe in myself. Going back to school was something I'd thought about a lot but always felt it was beyond my reach. He kept telling me I should do it, kept believing that I could do it. And, after continued searching, I found my 'calling' and I found a way to make it work. I am making my own Destiny.


And because I have discovered/learned these things - I amglad I met him, even if the circumstances or situation was not ideal.


now I just need classes to start so I will have NO time to think about him!


"It will all be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."