Keeping busy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2004
Keeping busy
6
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 10:35am
What's everyone doing this weekend to keep busy? I am going to pull up all of my annuals and plant some mums, and decorate for halloween. This should keep my son and I busy for most of the day tomorrow. On Sunday, my usual household chores get done - cleaning, laundry, etc. - my only problem with this is, I have lots of time alone to think.... I pretty much have no choice about contacting MM on the weekends, because he is home and I usually don't call him. We do usually chat online Sat. nights so I will miss that and I hope I am not tempted to go online and look for him.

He hasn't called me since yesterday. Don't know how I feel about that, I guess I should be glad - but I am not.

Hope you all have some good plans for the weekend, and we all get through it okay.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: nycgemini
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 10:58am

Perhaps while you're working on your flowers and yard work you can spend some time thinking about the voids in your life that you used xMM to fill. Making the choice to end your affair does not end the need to address the underlying motivations and permissions you used in the first place to participate in the affair.


I found while ending my affairs and ultimately my first marriage that manual labor gave me time to think about how I was going to move on from the current place I found myself in. AS I did so I found the strength to resist going back to the ended affairs. THe answers weren't in the affairs. They were inside myself.


I will remember you in my prayers this week-end and wish you all the resolve you need to continue move away from your affair and into the life you truly want for yourself, full time 24/7.


Warmly,


cl-nre


P.S. In the edit mode I'm adding the PS that the ivillage server lost the first time I tried to add it:


Please note the plural "affairs". It wasn't until I fully stepped into and addressed the issues I was using to justify my 17 years of affairs that the lifestyle came to an end. I believe that once you truly face the underlying causes within your marriage that you used to justify your affair participation and resolve those issues, then participating in an affair will never be an acceptable alternative for you. It may mean ending your marriage, as did I, or it may mean a renewed relationship with your spouse that is profoundly different from the old one before the affair. You do have the power within you to face and conquer the affair experience.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: nycgemini
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 3:11pm

So how is that Halloween decorating coming along?????


Are you opting for spooky or scary or both?


Just wondering and hoping you're having a great week-end....


cl-nre


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
In reply to: nycgemini
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 4:05pm
Hi Cl,

Question: You say 17 yrs of affairs. Wow, Did you ever fall in love with an of these people. And if u did how did u get over them?

Reason I ask is because I fell in love with MM. I have such a hard time accepting it is over. How did u do this?


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2004
In reply to: nycgemini
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 11:09pm
Hi NRE,

All done with the decorating.... was a really good distraction today and great fun for my son and I. I kept it kind of fall-themed, not so Halloweenie. Mums, pumpkins, etc. Nice fall wreath on the door. We both got nice and dirty pulling out all the flowers and planting the new ones. It was a good day. Of course thoughts of MM crossed my mind periodically today, but I tried not to entertain them. I did okay - one day at a time. It is getting easier and the weekend seems to be going better than during the week. I guess because I am just used to minimal contact with him on weekends, anyway.

Hope you are all doing well today and holding strong!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: nycgemini
Sun, 10-03-2004 - 1:40am

In a word, yes.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: nycgemini
Sun, 10-03-2004 - 1:45am

Thanks for the update and kind thoughts.....